[2322.1] [| ]He must have travelled, he whose voice it
is, he must have seen, with his eyes, a man or two, a thing or
two, he must have been aloft, in the light, or else he has
heard tales, travellers found him out and told him tales, that
proves my innocence, who says, That proves my innocence,
he, it's he who says it, or it's they who say it, yes, they,
they who reason, they who believe, no, a single one, he who
lived, or saw some who had, it's he who speaks of me, as if I
were he, as if I were not he, both, and as if I were others, one
after the other, he is the afflicted, [2322.2] I am afar, do you hear him,
he says I'm afar, as if I were he, no, as if I were not he, for
he is not afar, he is here, it's he who speaks, he says it's I,
then he says it's not, I am afar, do you hear him, he seeks me,
I don't know why, he doesn't know why, he calls me, he wants me
to come out, he thinks I can come out, he wants me to be he, or
another, let us be fair, he wants me to rise up, up into him,
[p. 134r] or into another, let us be impartial, he thinks he's caught me,
he feels me in him, then he says I, as if I were he,
or in another, let us be just, then he says Murphy, or Molloy,
I forget, as if I were Malone, but their day is over,
he wants none but himself, for me, he thinks it's his last
chance, he thinks that, they taught him how to think, this, that,
it's always he who speaks, Mercier never spoke,
Moran never spoke, I never spoke, I seem to speak, that's because
he says I as if it were I, I nearly believed him too, do you hear
him, as if he were I, I who am afar, who can't move, can't be
found, but neither can he, all he can do is talk, if he can do
that much, perhaps it's not he at all, perhaps it's a multitude,
one after the other, [2322.3] what confusion, someone mentions confusion, is it a sin, all here is sin, you don't know why,
you don't know whose, you don't know towards whom, someone says
you, it's the fault of the pronouns, there is no name for me,
no pronoun for me, all the trouble comes from that, that, it's
a kind of pronoun too, it isn't that either, I'm not that either,
let us leave all that, forget about all that, it's not difficult,
our concern is with someone, or our concern is with something,
[⁁] now we've got it at last, someone or something that is not there, or
that is not anywhere, or that is there, here, why not, after all,
and our concern is with speaking of that, now we have it, you dont
know why, why you must speak of that, but there it is, you can't,
no one can speak of that, you speak of yourself, someone speaks
of himself, that's it, in the singular, a single one, the man
on duty, he, I, no matter, the man on duty speaks of himself,
it's not that, of others, it's not that either, he doesn't know,
how could he know whether he has spoken of that or not when
speaking of himself, when speaking of others, when speaking of
things, the man on duty, when speaking of himself, it's I, when
speaking of myself, how can I know, I can't know, if I've spoken
of him, I can only speak of me, no, I can't speak of anything,
[2322.4] and yet I speak, perhaps it's of him, I'll never know, how could
I know, who could know, who knowing could tell me, I don't know
[p. 135r] who it's all about, that's all I know, no, I must know something
else, they must have taught me something, it's about him who
doesn't know anything, doesn't want anything, can't do anything, if it's possible that you can't do anything when you
don't want anything, who can neither speak nor hear, who is I,
who cannot be I, of whom I can't speak, of whom I must speak,
that's all hypotheses, I said nothing, someone said nothing, it's not a question of hypotheses, it's a question
of going on, it goes on, hypotheses are like everything else,
they help you on, as if there were need of help, that's right,
impersonally, as if there were any need of help to go on with
a thing that can't stop, and yet it will, it will stop, do you
hear, the voice says it will stop, some day, it says it will
stop and it says it will never stop, [2322.5] fortunately I have no opinion, what would I have an opinion with, with my mouth perhaps,
if it's mine, I don't feel a mouth on me, that means nothing, if
I could only feel a mouth on me, if I could only feel something
on me, I'll try, if I can, I know it's not I, that's all I know,
I say I, knowing it's not I, I am afar, that's all I know, afar,
what does that mean, afar, no need to be afar, perhaps he's here,
in my arms, my arms, I don't feel any arms on me, if I could only
feel something on me, it would be a starting-point, a starting-point, ah if I could only laugh, I know what it is, they must
have told me what it is, but I can't do it, they can't have shown
me how to do it, it must be one of those faculties that cannot be
acquired. [2323.1] The silence, a word on the silence, in the silence,
that's the worst, to speak of silence, then lock me up, lock someone up, that is to say, what is that to say, calm, calm, I'm
calm, I'm locked up, I'm in something, it isn't I, that's all I
know, no more about that, that is to say, make a place, a little
world, it will be round, this time it will be round, it's not
certain, low of ceiling, thick of walls, why low, why thick, I
don't know, it isn't certain, it remains to be seen, all that
remains to be seen, a little world, try and [⁁] find out what it's
like, try and guess, put someone in it, seek someone in it,
[p. 136r] and what he's like, and how he manages, it won't be I, that doesn't matter, perhaps it will, perhaps it will be my world, possible
coincidence, [2323.2] there won't be windows, we're done with windows,
the sea refused me, the sky didn't see me, I wasn't there, and
the summer evening air weighing on my eyelids, we
must have eyelids, we must have eyeballs, they must have explained
to me, someone must have explained to me, what it's like, an eye,
at the window, before the sea, before the earth, before the sky,
at the window, against the air, opening, shutting, grey, black,
grey, black, I must have understood, I must have wanted it, wanted the eye, for my own, I must have tried, all the things
they have told me, all the things I have tried, it comes in useful still, when I think of it, that too, you must go on thinking
too, go on thinking the old thoughts, they call that thinking,
it's visions, shreds of old visions, that's all you can
see, a few old pictures, a window, what need had they to show
me a window, saying, no, I forget, it doesn't
come back to me, a window, saying, There are others,
others even more beautiful, and the rest, walls, sky, man, like Mahood,
a little nature, too long to go over, too forgotten, too little
forgotten, was it necessary, [2323.3] but was that how it happened, who
can have come here, the devil perhaps, I [⁁] can't think of anyone else,
it's he showed me everything, here, in the dark, and how to
speak, and what to say, and a little nature, and a few names,
and the outside of men, those in my image, whom I might resemble,
and their way of living, in rooms, in sheds, in caverns, in
woods, or coming and going, I forget, and who went away and left
me, knowing I was tempted, knowing I was lost, whether I succumbed
or not, have I succumbed or not, I don't know, it isn't I, that's
all I know, since that day it's not I any more, since that day
there is no one any more, I must have succumbed. [2324] That's all
hypotheses, that helps you forward, I believe in progress, I
believe in silence, ah yes, a few words on the silence, then
the little world, that will be enough, for the rest of eternity,
[p. 137r] you'd think it was I, I speaking, I hearing, I making plans, for
the passing hour, for the rest of eternity, whereas I'm afar, or
in my arms somewhere, or stowed away somewhere, behind walls, a
few words on the silence, then just one 
more thing , just one
space and someone within, perhaps, until the end, I believe it,
it's evening already, I call that evening, I believe it this
evening, it's announced and I believe [⁁] it, you announce, then you
renounce, so it is, that helps you on, that helps the end to
come, evenings when there is an end, I speak of evening, someone
speaks of evening, perhaps it's still morning, perhaps it's
still night, personally I have no opinion. [2325.1] They love each other,
marry, in order to love each other better, more conveniently,
he goes to the wars, he dies at the wars, she weeps, with emotion,
at having loved him, at having lost him, yep, marries again, in
order to love again, more conveniently again, they love each
other, you love as many times as necessary, as necessary in
order to be happy, he comes back, the other comes back, he didn't
die at the wars, after all, she goes to the station, he dies
in the train, of emotion, at the thought of having her again,
she weeps, weeps again, with emotion again, at having lost him
again, yep, goes back to the house, he's dead, the other is
dead, the mother-in-law takes him down, he hanged himself, with
emotion, at the thought of losing her, she weeps, weeps louder,
at having loved him, at having lost him, [2325.2] there's a story for you,
that was to teach me the nature of emotion, that's called
emotion, what emotion can do, given favourable conditions,
what love can do, well well, so that's emotion, that's
love, and trains, the nature of trains, and the meaning of
your back to the engine, and guards, stations, platforms, wars,
love, heartrending cries, that must be the mother-in-law, her
cries rend the heart as she takes down her son, or her son-in-law, I don't know, it must be her son, since she cries, and the
door, the door of the house is bolted, when she got back from
the station she found the housedoor bolted, who bolted it, he
the better to hang himself, or the mother-in-law the better to
[p. 138r] take him down, or to prevent her daughter-in-law from re-entering
the premises, [2325.3] there's a story for you, it must be the daughter-in-law, it isn't the son-in-law and the daughter, it's the
daughter-in-law and the son, how I reason to be sure this evening,
it was to teach me how to reason, it was to tempt me to go, to
the place where you can come to an end, I must have been a good
pupil, up to a certain point, I couldn't get beyond a certain
point, I can understand their being angry with me, this evening
I begin to understand, oh there's no danger, it's not I, it
wasn't I, the door, it's the door that interests me, a wooden
door, who bolted the door, and for what purpose, I'll never know,
there's a story for you, I thought they were over, all forgotten,
perhaps it's a new one, lepping fresh, is it the return to the
world of fable, no, only a reminder, so that I may regret what
I have lost, so that I may long again to be in the place I was
banished from, unfortunately it doesn't remind me of anything. [2326.1] The silence, speak of the silence before going into it, have I
been there already, I don't know, at every instant I am there,
there I am speaking of it, I knew it would come, I emerge from
it to speak of it, I am in it while I speak of it, if it's I
who speak, and it's not, I act as if it were, often I act as
if it were I, but at lenght, was I ever there at length, a long
stay, I understand nothing about duration, I can't speak of it,
oh I know I speak of it, I say never and always, I speak of
the four seasons and the differrents parts of the day and of
the night, the night has no parts, that's because you are
asleep, the seasons must, be very similar, perhaps it's
springtime now, that's all words they taught me, without
making their meaning clear to me, that's how I learnt to
reason, I use them all, all the words they showed me, there
were lists of them, ah the strange glow all of a sudden, they
were on lists, with images opposite, I must have forgotten
them, I must have mixed them up, these nameless images I have,
these imageless names, these windows that I should perhaps
[p. 139r] rather call doors, at least by some other name, and this word
man which is perhaps not the right one for the thing I see when
I hear it, [2326.2] but an instant, an hour, and so on, how can they
be represented, a life, how could they make that clear to me,
here, in the dark, I call that the dark, perhaps it's azure,
blank words, but I use them, they keep coming, all those they
showed me, all those I remember, I need them all, to be able to
go on, it's a lie, a score would do, tried and trusty, unforgettable, nicely varied, that would be palette enough, I'd mix
them, I'd vary them, that would be gamut enough, all the things
I'd do if I could, if I wished, if I could wish, no need to wish,
that's how it will end, in heartrending cries, inarticulate
murmurs, to be invented, as I go along, improvised, as I groan
along, I'll laugh, that's how it will end, in a chuckle, chuck
chuck, ow, ha, pah, I'll practise, nyum, hoo, plop, pss, nothing
but emotion, bing, bang, that's blows,
ugh, pooh, what else, ooh, aah, that's love, enough, it's tiring,
heehee, that's the Abderite's ribs, no, the other's, in the
end, it's the end, the ending end, it's the silence, a few gurgles
on the silence, the real silence, not the one where I macerate
up to the mouth, up to the ear, that covers me, uncovers me,
breathes with me, like a cat with a mouse, that of the drowned,
[2326.3] [⁁] I've drowned, more than once, it wasn't I, I have suffocated, set fire
to me, thumped on my head with wood and iron, it wasn't I, there
was no head, no iron, I didn't do anything to me, I didn't do
anything to anyone, no one did anything to me, there is no one,
no wood, I've looked, no one but me, no, not me either, I've
looked everywhere, there must be someone, the voice must belong
to someone, that's all right with me, what it wants I want, I
am it, I've said so, it says so, from time to time it says so,
then it says not, that's all right with me, I want it to go
silent, it wants to go silent, it can't, it does for a second,
then it starts again, that's not the real silence, it says
that's not the real silence, what can be said of the real silence,
I don't know, that I don't know what it is, that there is no such
thing, that perhaps there is such a thing, yes, that perhaps
[p. 140r] there is, somewhere, I'll never know.