MS-HRC-SB-5-9-3

[p. 39v]

[p. 40r] it's not difficult, our concern is with someone, or our concern is with something, there we are at last, that is not here, there, or that is not anywhere, or that is there, here, why not, after all, and with speaking of that, now we have it, you don't know why, why you must speak of that, but there it is, you can't, no one can speak of that, you speak of yourself, someone speaks of himself, that's it, in the singular, a single one, the appointed, he, I, no matter, the appointed speaks of himself, it's not that, of others, not that either, he doesn't know, how could he know, whether he has spoken of it or not when speaking of himself, when speaking of others, when speaking of things, the appointed, when speaking of himself, it's I, when speaking of myself, how can I know, I can't know, if I've spoken of him, I can only speak of me, no, I can't speak of anything, [2322.4] and yet I speak, perhaps it's of him, I'll never know, how could I know, who could know, who knowing could tell me, I don't know who it's all about, that's all I know, no, I must know something else, they must have taught me something, it's about him who knows nothing, wants nothing, can nothing, does not know anything, does not want anything, is not capable of ^{incapable of} anything, if when you want nothing it is possible to be incapable of any don't want anything it is possible to be incapable of anything, who can neither speak nor hear, who is I, who cannot be I, of whom I can't speak, of whom I must speak, that that is all hypotheses, I said didn't say anything, someone didn't say anything, it is not a question of hypotheses, it's a question of going on, it goes on, hypotheses are like everything else, they xx help you to go on, as if there were xxx there were need of help, that's right, impersonally, as if there were need of help to go on with a thing that can't stop, and yet it will, it will stop, do you hear, the voice says it will stop, some day, it says it will never stop and it says it

[p. 40v]
DOODLE 81

[p. 41r] will stop, [2322.5] personally I have no opinion, what would I have an opinion with, with my mouth perhaps, if it's mine, I don't feel a mouth on me, that means nothing, if I could only feel a mouth on me, if I could feel something on me, I'll try, if I can, I know it's not I, that's all I know, I say I knowing it is not I, I am afar, that's all I know, afar, what does that mean, afar, no need to be afar, perhaps he is here, in my arms, my arms, I don't feel any arms on me, if I could only feel something on me, it would a starting point, a starting point, ah if I could only laugh, I know what it is, they must have told me what it is, but I can't do, they can't have shown me how to do, it must be one of those things that can't be taught ^acquired. [2323.1] The silence, a word on the silence, under the silence, that's the worst, to speak of silence, then shut me up, shut someone up, that is to say, what is that to say, calm, I'm calm, I'm shut up, I'm in something, it isn't I, that's all I know, let's leave that, that is to no more about that, that is to say, make a place, a little world, make a little world, it will be round, this time it will be round, it's not certain, with low ceiling, thick walls, why low, why thick, I don't know, it isn't certain, it remains to be seen, all that remains to be seen, a little world, try and find out what it's like, try and guess, put someone in it, seek someone in it, and what he's like, and how he manages, it won't be I, that doesn't matter, perhaps it will, perhaps it will be my world, possible coincidence, [2323.2] there won't be windows, we're done with windows, the sky sea refused me, the sky didn't see me, I wasn't there, and the summer evening air weighing on my eyelids, we must have eyelids, we must have eyeballs, they must have explained to me, someone must have explained to me, what it's like, an eye, at the window,

[p. 41v]

[p. 42r] before the sea, before the earth, before the sky, at the window, against the air, in summer, at evening, opening, shutting, grey, black, grey, black, I must have understood, I must have wanted it, wanted the eye, fo all for myself, I must have tried, all the things they have told me, all the things I have tried, it comes in useful still, when I think of it, that too, one ^you must go on thinking, go on thinking the old thoughts, they call that thinking, it's visions, remains of visions, that's all you can see, a few old images, a window, what need had they to show me a window, saying, I don't know, I don't remember, it doesn't come back to me, a window, saying, There are others, there are others more beautiful, and the rest, walls, sky, man, like Mahood, a little nature, too long to repeat, too forgotten, too little forgotten, was it necessary, [2323.3] but was that how it happened, who can have come here, the devil perhaps, I don't see who anyone else, it's he showed me everything, here, in the dark, and how to speak, and what to say, and a little nature, and a few names, and the outside of men, those in my image, whom I might resemble, and their way of living, in rooms, in sheds, in caves, in woods, or coming and going, I forget, and who went away and left me, knowing I was tempted, knowing I was lost, whether I succumbed or not, have I succumbed or not, I don't know, it isn't I, that's all I know, since then it's not I any more, since then there is no one any more, I must have succumbed. [2324] All All that is hypotheses, that helps you forward, I believe in progress, I believe in silence, ah yes, a few words on ^the silence,

[p. 42v]

[2324] [p. 43r] then the little world, that will be enough, for the rest of eternity, you'd think it was I, I speaking, I hearing, I making plans, for the passing hour, for the rest of eternity, whereas I am afar, or in my arms somewhere, or set aside, behind walls or set aside somewhere, behind walls, a few words on the silence, then one more thing alone, just one more thing, just one space and someone within, something within, perhaps, before until the end, I believe it, it's evening already, I call that evening, I believe it this evening, it's announced and I believe it, you announce, then renounce, so it is, that helps you on, that helps the end to come, evenings when there is an end, I speak of evening, someone speaks of evening, perhaps it's still morning, perhaps it's still night, personally I have no opinion. [2325.1] They love each other, marry, in order to love each other better, more conveniently, he goes to the wars, he dies at the wars, she weeps, with emotion, at having loved him, at having lost him, yoicks, marries again, in order to love again, more conveniently again, they love each other, you love as many times as necessary, as necessary in order to be happy, he comes back, the other comes back, he didn't die at the wars, after all, she goes to the station, he dies in the train, with of emotion, at the thought of finding her again, she weeps, weeps again, again with emotion, at having lost him again, yoicks, goes back home, he's dead, the other is dead, the mother-in-law takes him off, he hanged himself, with emotion, at the thought of losing her, she weeps, weeps louder, at having loved him, at having lost him, [2325.2] that's a story for you, that was to teach me the nature of the emot emotion, that's called the emotion, what emotion is capable of, given favourable conditions, what love is capable

[p. 43v]
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[p. 44r] of, well, so that's emotion, and what trains are, and the meaning of your back to the engine, and guards, stations, platforms, wars, love, heartrending cries, that must be the mother-in-law, she cries heartrending her cries are heartrending, while she takes down her son, or her son-in-law, I don't know, it must be her son, xxx the cries since she cries, and the door, the house door of the house is closed ^{bolted bolted}, when she got back from the station she found the housedoor closed ^{bolted bolted}, who closed ^{bolted it}, he the better xx to hang himself, or the mother-in-law the better to take him down, or to xx prevent her daughter-in-law from reentering the premises, [2325.3] there's a story for you, it must be the daughter-in-law, it isn't the son-in-law and the daughter, it's the son and the daughter-in-law, how I reason to be sure this evening, it was to teach me how to reason, it was to tempt me to go there, to the place where you can come to an end, I must have been a good pupil, up to a certain point, I couldn't get beyond a certain point, I can understand that their being cross with me, this evening I begin to understand, oh it's not there's no danger, it' it is not I, it was not I, the door, it's the door that interests me, it's of wood, who closed ^bolted the door, and for what purpose, I'll never know, that's a story for you, I thought they were over, all forgotten, perhaps it's a new one, lepping fresh, is it the return to the world of fable, no, only a reminder, so that I may regret what I have lost, so that I may long again to be in the place I was banished from, unfortunately it doesn't remind me of anything. [2326.1] The silence, speak of the silence, before going into it, have I been there already, I don't know, at every instant I am there, there I am speaking