MS-HRC-SB-4-2-1

[0086] Thirty-seven today, sound apparently in wind ^{([he he rimes] this word with mind)} and limb,
apart from my old trouble, and intellectually I have
little doubt at the peak of my powers, or thereabouts.
[0087] Celebrated the solemn ^dreadful occasion, as in recent years, quietly
at the Winehouse.[0088] No one ^face there I knew.[0089] Sat before the fire
with closed eyes separating the grain from the chaff.

[0090] Jotted
down a few notes, on the back of an envelope.[0091] It is good to
be home again, in my old things ^rags.[0097] The new light over ^above my desk ^table
is a great improvement.[0098] With all this darkness round me I ^feel
am less alone.[0099] (Pause.)[0100] In a way.[0101] (Pae^use.)[0102] I like to get up
and move about in it, then back here to...(hesitates)...
myself.
[0105] Pause.

[0106] The grain, what di^o I mean by that, I mean...(Pause.) I
suppose I mean those things worth having when all the dust
has - when all this dust has settled.[0107] I close my eyes and
try and imagine them.
[0108] Pause.

[0110] Extraordinary silence this evening. I strain my ears and
do not hear a sound.[0111] Old Miss Williams ^Beamish always sings at this
hour.[0113] [⁁]^{[The] songs of her girlhood, she says.[⁁][←]} [0112] But not tonight.[0115] ^{I admire her.}[←][0112|001] I hope nothing ^{Please Heavens nothing} has happened to her.
[0118] ^{Shall I sing when I am her age[?]}[0119] ^{[Goodness] [↑] if I ever am. Unlikely.}[0121] ^{Did I sing
as a boy?}[0122] ^No.[0124] ^{Did I ever sing?}[0125] ^No.
[0126] Pause.

[0127] I have just listened to an old year.^, [⁁]^{passages at random.}[0128] I did not check up
in the register ^book, but it must be at least ten or twelve ^{or fifteen} years
ago.[0129] At that time I was living on and off with Celia ^Furry in
Street.[0131] ^{Hopeless business.[Insert][⁁]} [0141] I must say I - (A switches off machine, broods
at length, switches on again.) - find this a great help before
embarking on a new...er....review ^conspectus.[0142] I find it hard ^{It is hard} to believe
that young man was I.[0143] Even t^The voice is unfamiliar ^{not mine.}.[0145] Aspirat-
ions,^.

[0147] r^Resolutions.[0149] To drink less, in particular.[0151] He speaks of ^Statistics.
[0152] s^Seventeen hundred hours, out of the preceding 8^eight thousand
odd, consumed on licensed premises alone.[0155] Plans for a fuller ^{less [aspiring] less exhausting}
sexual life.[0156] Last illness of his father.[0157] [⁁]^{Pursuit of happiness.}[0157] ^{Flagging spasmodic pursuit of happiness.}[0163] References to his
life's work ^{magnum opus} [↓] .[0163] ^{Shadow of the magnum opus.}[0164] Closing with a - (brief laugh) - an appeal to ^{a plea squeal}
Providence.[0165] (Prolonged laugh.)[0166] What remains of all that
lumber ^misery?[0167] A girl in a shabby green dress coat, on a railway-
station platform?

[0169] Pause.
[0170] When I look -[0171] (A si^wwⁱtches off machine, broods, ^{[consults] looks at watch,} gets up and
goes backstage into shadows. [0172] Pause of ten seconds. [0173] Sound of
cork popping. [0174] Teⁿ seconds. [0175] Second cork. [0176] Ten seconds. [0177] Third
cork? Te cork. [0178] Ten seconds. [0179] ^{Sudden brief burst of song
(Brief burst of raucous song.)} [0183] He comes back into light from an
unexpected angle, say front right , sits down, resumes his
pose, switches on machine.) - back on the year that is gone^,

[0184] - back on the year that is gone^,