MS-HRC-SB-4-2-2

[0085] and ledger violently from table, wind^s tape back to be-
ginning, switches on machine, resumes pose.)[0086] Thirty-
seven today, sound [↑] ^{as a whistle,} apart
from the old trouble, and intellectually I have little doubt
at the peak of my powers, or thereabouts.[0087] Celebrated the
awful occasion, as in recent years, quietly at the Winehouse.

[0088] No face there I knew.[0089] Sprawled ^{in front of} the fire with closed
eyes, separating the grain from the chaff.[0090] Jotted down a
few notes, on the back of an envelope.[0091] Good to be home
again, in my old rags.[0097] The new light above my table is a
great improvement.[0098] With all this darkness round me I feel
less alone.[0099] (Pause.)[0100] In a way.[0101] (Pause.)[0102] I like to get up
and move about in it, then back here to...(hesitates)...
me.

[0105] Pause.
[0106] The grain, what do I mean by that, I mean...(Pause.) I
suppose I mean those things worth having when all the
dust has - when all ^my dust has settled.[0107] I close my
eyes and try ^to imagine them.
[0108] Pause.

[0110] Extraordinary silence this evening. I strain my ears and
do not hea^r a sound.[0111] Old Miss ^Hare always sings at this
hour.[0113] Songs of her ^girlhood, she says.[0112]
But not tonight.[0115] ^{Wonderful woman.[⁁]}[0116] ^Connaught.[0118] Shall I sing when I am her
age, if I ever am?[0119] ^{No. [⁁]}[0121] Did I sing as a boy?[0122] No.[0124] Did
I ever sing^?[0125] No.
[0126] Pause.

[0127] I have just listened to an old year, passages at random.
[0128] I did not check in the book, but it must be at least ten
or twelve years ago.[0129] At that time ^I was ^still living on and off
with ^{Bianca [⁁]} in Trafalgar Street.[0130] Well out of that.[0131] Hopeless
business.[0133] Not much reference to her. A queer passage about
her eyes.[0135] I suddenly saw them a^gain.[0137] Matchless.[0138] (Pause.)
[0139] Ah well.[0140] (Pause.)

[0141] These old P.M.s a^re gruesome, but I -
(A switches off, broods, switches on again) - ^always find them
a help before embarking on a new...
(hesitates)... conspectus.[0142] Hard to believe I was ever that
young pup.[0143] ^{That voice!}[0145] ^{And the aspirations!}[0146] (Brief
laugh in which A joins.)[0147] ^{And the resolutions!}[0148] (Brie^f laugh in which
A joins.)[0149] To drink less, in particular.[0150] ^{(Brief laugh of A alone.)}

[0151] Statistic^s.[0152] Seven-
teen hundred hours, out of the preceding eight thousand odd,
consumed on licensed premises alone.[0153] ^{Over 20%.[⁁]}[0155] Plans for a less wear-
ing sexual life.[0156] Last illness of his father.Flagging pur-

[0157] Flagging pur-