Digital Manuscript ProjectMalone meurt / Malone Dies

[0545] and the long bright days are too short for all there is to do.
[0546] And often they took advantage of the moon to make a last journey
between the fields, perhaps far away, and the barn or threshing-
floor, or to overhaul the machines and get them ready for the
impending dawn.
[0547] The impending dawn.
[0548] I fell asleep.
[0549] But I do not want to sleep.
[0550] There is no time
for sleep in my time-table.
[0551] I do not want - no, I have no ex-
planations to give.
[0552] Coma is for the living. The living.
[0553] Thery
were always more than I could bear, all, no, I don't lmean that,
but groaning with tedium I watched them come and go, then I
killed them, or took their place, or to flight fled.
[0554] I feel within me
the glow of that old frenzy, but I know it will set me on fire
no more.
[0555] I stop everything and wait.
[0556] Sapo stands on one leg,
motionless, his strange eyes closed.
[0557] The turmoil of the day
freezes in a thousand absurd postures.
[0558] The little cloud drifting
before their glorious sun will darken the earth as long as I
please.
[0559] Live and invent.
[0560] I have tried.
[0561] I must have tried.
[0562] Invent.
[0563] It is not the right[₰] word.
[0564] Neither is live.
[0565] No matter.
[0566] I have
tried.
[0567] While within me the wild beast of earnestness padded up
and down, roaring, ravening, lacerating rending[⁁].
[0568] I have done that.
[0569] And
all alone, well hidden, played the clown, all alone, hour after
hour, motionless, often standing, spellbound, groaning.
[0570] That's
right, groan.
[0571] I couldn't play.
[0572] I turned till I was dizzy, clapped
my hands, ran, shouted, saw myself winning, saw myself losing,
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Malone meurt / Malone Dies © 2017 Samuel Beckett Digital Manuscript Project.
Editors: Dirk Van Hulle, Pim Verhulst and Vincent Neyt