MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

[2397] through what breach. [2398] I succeeded however in dozing off, which is not so
easy, when pain is speculative. [2399] And I was marvelling, in that half sleep,
at my half sleeping, when my son came in,without knocking. [2400] Now if there
is one thing I abhor, it is someone coming into my room,without knocking.
[2401] I might just happen to be masturbating, before my cheval-glass.

[2402] Father
with yawning fly and starting eyes, toiling to scatter on the ground his
joyless seed, that was no sight for a small boy. [2403] Harshly I recalled him
to the proprieties. [2404] He protested he had knocked twice. [2405] If you had knocked
a hundred times, I replied, it would not give you the right to come in
without being invited.

[2406] But, he said. [2407] But what? I said. [2408] You told me to be
here at half-past four, he said. [2409] There is something, I said, more important
in life than punctuality, and that is decorum. [2410] Repeat. [2411] In that disdainful
mouth my phrase put me to shame. [2412] He was soaked. [2413] What have you been
looking at? I said. [2414] The lilies ^{[⁁]liliaceae}, papa, he answered. [2415] The lilies ^{[⁁]liliaceae} papa! [2416] My
son had a way of saying papa, when he wanted to hurt me, that was very
special. [2417] Now listen to me, I said.

[2418] His face took on an expression of
anguished attention. [2419] We leave this evening, I said in substance, on a
journey. [2420] Pj^ut on your school suit, the green—. [2421] But it's blue, father ^papa,
he said. [2422] Blue or green, put it on, I said violently. [2423] I went on. [2424] Put in
your little knapsack, the one I gave you for your birthday, your toilet
things, one shirt, one pair of socks and seven pairs of drawers.

[2425] Do you
understand? [2426] Which shirt, papa,^? he said. [2427] It doesn't matter which shirt,
I cried, any shirt! [2428] Which shoes am I to wear? he said. [2429] You have two pairs
of shoes, I said, one for Sundays and one for weekdays, and you ask me
which you are to wear. [2430] I sai^t up. [2431] I want none of your lip, I said.

[2432] Thus to my son I gave precise instructions. [2433] But were they the right
ones? [2434] Would they stand the test of second thoughts? [2435] Would I not be
impelled, in a very short time, to cancel them? [2436] I who never changed my