MS-TCD-4664

Pause

Memory, gone, this is ^{[place = supralinear] too} a help too, I suppose,
things said before - (pause) - things said before.
Which in the normal way ^{[place = supralinear] normally} - (pause) - pain-
ful ^{[place = inline] irksome}
to hear again, things said before - (pause) -
never said before, all fresh, and new, on and
on, virgin ways, never been ^{[place = supralinear] trod} before, virgin?

Well ... for me ^{[place = supralinear] this old whore}. Yes, memory, gone, and yet
a time once, or pure fancy, pure ^{[place = supralinear] mere} fancy, when there was
dark, on and off, I went out, or just the longing ^{[place = supralinear] mere hankering},
to be unseen, xxx ^{[place = supralinear] oh} not now, only for a time, for
there to have been a time, moments, once,
when I was unseen, and so think, be able to think,

it was not always ^{[place = facing leaf] [ADDITION]Addition on page 15v(tears coming)} ... the way it is ^{[place = supralinear] like this}, there was a time ...
moments ... when I was happy ... I was unseen ... ...
what it is ... what it was ... to be happy ...
happy? ... well ... compared with -

(Tears. End of tears. Pause.)

There is s ^{[place = overwritten] S}omeone in me, trying to get out, saying
let me out, let me out, when I think of that,
inside me all xxx dark, someone there, wanting
out, into the light, poor creature, sometimes it
seems ... it seems true, I talk and talk and
hear nothing only (assumed voice, low, panting ^{[place = supralinear] breathless}),

Let me out! Let me out! (normal voice) Was I
in someone once, and where is she now, if I
was in her once, and she let me out, this these are
the kind of thoughts that keep on cropping up, ^{[place = facing leaf] [ADDITION]Addition on page 15vthe thoughts that assail, [⁁]} as I go
along, they are a help. Oh I am wearied, if the
impossible were being asked it would not be so bad.
be less hellish.

(Pause.)