Samuel Beckett
Digital Manuscript Project
Not I / Pas moi

MS-TCD-4664

MS. Pages: cover - 13r 13v - 18r 18v - backcover
[p. cover]
[p. 09v]

1hrs. silence in a month
24 hr. silence in 12 months
= 2 hr. silence in 1 month
= 2/30 hr. silence in 1 day


1/15 hour = 4 minutes
               = 240 seconds

80 pauses of 3 seconds per day
80/24 pauses of 3 seconds per hour
=10/3  3 ½ pauses of 3 seconds per hour

120 pauses of 2 seconds perday
120/24 pauses of 2 seconds per hour
5 pauses of 2 seconds per hour
50 pauses of 2 seconds per hour = 10 days silence in year?


10 hr in 12 m.
12 hr in 12 m
1        -     .
240  m. in 12 -
20    h   in   1
20/30 h   . 1 day
40    m.  . 1 day
40/2440 10 /246 x 60 10/24 6 secs - 1 hr
100 secs                            -      hr
= 50 pauses of 2 secs per hour


DOODLE 1
DOODLE 2


120 sec per hr
= 2 min. per hr
48 min. per day
= xxx per day 4 /246 x 365/246 days per year
= 48/60 hr. per day
= 48/60 x 365/60 hr. per yr.
= 48 2 x 365                  12_
   60   x   24 days    60)730

Pause of 2 seconds every minute = xx 12 days
silence in year


[p. 10r]
KILCOOL

Paris 24 8 63

Woman's face alone in constant light.

Nothing but fixed lit face & speech.

When theatre lights down, curtain before curtain up, light on face and speech already. I.e. light from stage same & same pre-curtain reset

Tears thrice: near beginning, brief; towards middle, longer; &, longest, to close. Curtain down on lit weeping face.

Tears brought on each time by same essential element, followed by pause for tears to mount

Opening: 4 - 5 lines text mu muffled text speech, curtain up, conclusion of this speech, long pause. Tears.

Talks of herself in 3rd person

- come then now to Kilcoole the that this time in Kilcool from those other the those other times other homes nearer town xx we have seen to Kilcoole further out (curtain up) to live in Kilcoole papa dead xx we have seen and then mamma perhaps of grief or partly grief that simple bug that but for grief that weakening enfeebling but not that again we have seen no more of that all has been weighed all that remained and tip tip now the one scale now the other and so no more those other times other homes no more of them and we have seen xx what remained we have seen and now Kilcool that time in Kilcoole with this aunt to go on living with this aunt in Kilcoole both parents gone we have seen having nothing and this aunt came forward to take the girl away the orphan girl to take her to her bosom and take her to her home in Kilcoole further out this widowed childless aunt to go on living with her in her humble home in Kilcoole that is the time we are come to now. (Pause.) Oh God grant - (Pause.) Oh grant Time the Father ... that dark when she dies when she so young so long ago was laid in Redford by the sea when we come to that time that dark room now where she was

[p. 10v]







DOODLE 3 DOODLE 4 DOODLE 5
DOODLE 6 DOODLE 7

[p. 11r]







laid so young so long ago the darkened room the sleepless days and all night the skylight the pink shade and little sleep that short sickness when we come to that and then the dark where she was laid this prayer giver of light and taker of it away this prayer again take it away. (Pause. Weeps. Five seconds.) Out there by the Slow & Easy third class coast line to avoid the charge all her troubles in a grip in the sack beautiful sun most of the way just the tunnels through the Head corner seats on the sea side gazing out of the w all blue and glitter beautiful sun all blue and glitter just the tunnels through the Head and then the aunt putting out the old hand saying Don't be fretting pet don't you be fretting you'll be happy with me. (Pause)

Abandoned

Themes, lay down before sorting.

To each theme a certain pause length.

To each theme a different voice quality
(speed, xxxhigh or low, moved or cold etc.)

1 theme only leads to tears
1 theme only leads to smile
1 theme only leads to laugh


Ex. of I Near xxx x Coming up to the end alone quite still on her back her head
on the pillow under the light, the eyes -
(Pause.) Closed mostly, then suddenly open
wide and gaze up unblinking half a
minute forty seconds.
(Pause.) Undazzled.
(Pause.) Alone quite still face and body
body & face, only the eyes.
(Pause.)

The pillow for the head. (Pause.) Alone quite
still body & face, only the eyes.
(Pause.)
Closed mostly. (Pause.) Near Coming up to her end.
(Pause.) Oh time giver of light -
(Pause.) Oh time when we come to this
and then the dark where she was laid
so young so long ago this prayer giver
of light and taker of it away this
prayer again take it away.
(Pause,
4 seconds. Tears, 8 seconds. Pause, 4 seconds.
)

Certain of above prayer to time for dark
as light is darkened.
This the tear
producer.
Three times, including
curtain (light on weeping face, prayer
unanswered)..


Within given theme normal xxxxxxation
pauses.
Only before text engaged put
a full length pause.

Whole text spoken over soft rapid beat only
audible in major pauses & during
silent weeping.

"I" "me" etc. never spoken outside
assumed voice.


Identification by final prayer to time
for
assumed voice -

Her voice. (Pause. Imitating Assuming voice ), low, fast,
breathless
.)
Ah you and your living, will
you stop talking to me about living.

(Pause with panting (Panting.) What else am
I doing only living, what else do you call
this I'm doing only living.
(Panting.)
Is it because I'm sitting here quiet
with my thoughts - (panting) - not
whining for anything and not pawing
over anything - (panting) - that I
amn't living?
(Normal voice.) Her thoughts

[p. 11v]

A.F. 813 17th Sat.

Themes:
1. Light - dark leading to prayer for dark and tears. 3 tim Three times: Opening, midway, end.

2 Voice imitated

3 Thoughts.

4 Lover.

5 Age.

6 Never properly seen, heard.

7 Her body

8 Burial

DOODLE 8
DOODLE 9
DOODLE 10
DOODLE 11
DOODLE 12
DOODLE 13
DOODLE 14

Her thoughts: of xxx of a dark where she
would lie and be ...
before any world xxi. (Laughs)

Shadow before & behind - street lamps

1 hours pause
1 days pause in 1 year
= 1/365 per day
= 24/365 x 60/365 x 60/365

       86.400
            234
365)86.400
       730
       1300
       1196
       .1100

3)74
   25

    30 pauses in a hour

    30 pauses of 2 seconds in a hour
              = 1 min. per hour
              24 min. per day
    24 x 365 min. per year
              24
          1460
          730_
2460 )8760 .)140
         60___
         276

[p. 12r]

... and xxx while it was not clear at first that she was now in position meaning of course no further positions and what is more to the point no further change of position worth mentioning such as for example turning over on the side (xxx) (on face) now the one side now the xxx other in order to rest and relieve the back and even as some are seen to do when thex sides are weary over on the face breasts permitting, while this was not yet clear meaning to her entourage not yet even to them though to her quite clear that she was now in position

USSY 23.12.63

(Normal voice)
... leave her like that without in the state she was in - and here he paused halted with his hand on the door-knob and turned back to look at her - leave her like that knowing the state she was in to look at her? No, just turned back. Weary Sick of the sight - leave (curtain) - leave her like that knowing the state she was in - here he turned and let her see his face - without hearing her out or a word of explanation or a word ... as to when ... perhaps soon ... again, did he not realize, (violently) did he not realize? (Pause. Assuredly.) He did. He thought he did. And that to hear her out wd. be only to hear again what he had heard a thousand times already. And that to explain would be only to say again what he sai had said a thousand times already. And that he had to go away - meaning a journey - and did not know when he would be back. But that when he was he got back back ... And that everyone had their troubles. All to the carpet, beyond through her. (Long pause) She got her bottom off her heels, then off up off her knees xx DOODLE 15 her feet and to over to the window, pulling the xxx to drawing closing the curtains behind her to shut off the light of the room and see into the street. He turned over and made off, his shadow lengthening before him till he was half way to the street lamp, still lengthening behind him. (Long pause.) Conclusion. (Begin tears) Conclusion. (Long pause) Oh time giver of light - (Pause.) Oh time when we come to this and .... this dark where she was laid so long ago this prayer giver of light and taker of it away take it away. (Pause. Tears, at length. End of tears. Pause.) Conclusion. The body. On its

DOODLE 16
[p. 12v]







          24
          60
      1440
    ___60
3)864.00
   288.00

30.000 pauses of 3 se
3 secs = 1 day's pause

365 x 24 x 60 x 60

                    365
                  __24
                  1460
                  730_
                  8760 hours
                ___60
               528600 minutes
        _______60
864. )31.716.000 |36
         2592
          .5796
           5184
            .612

30 million seconds in a year
how many pauses silences of 3 seconds to
make total silence of 24 hrs.
= 86.000 seconds

365 pauses of 3 seconds

60)

60)1000
         16

2.500.0
86)31.716

95

quiet with them.

DOODLE 17

365

1000 pauses
1 pause every thousand
seconds

4

1/4 every hour = 1 in 4
1/2                      2 . 4
3/4            -         3 . 4

3

? pauses in 4 hours to obtain 1 h
1/4 = 5 x 3 minutes
300 x 3 secs

DOODLE 18 DOODLE 19 DOODLE 20
DOODLE 21

1/365

This it is certainly among other things that keeps me going

I am not speaking to myself, more than that I cannot say, I am not speaking to myself, I have no need whatsoever of that, I have nothing whatsoever there is nothing I wish to say, to say, every word is mild torture xx I would give all I have xx to be silent stop, DOODLE 22 but I have nothing, nothing left, or there are no takers, how I understand them, more than that I cannot say. I am not speaking to myself and I am not speaking voluntarily wd. give all I have to stop, this is not intended as information. I have no information Pause Long pPause
I do of course get some silence, as just now, when I pause go silent. pause after a period.
Long pause

DOODLE 23
[p. 13r]







backxx, flat, stretched out xxx pillow.
back, flat, no pillow, under the chandelier []blazing, the eyes - (Pause.) Closed mostly, then suddenly open and gaze up unblinking half a minute forty seconds undazzled. (Tone of irritated expostulation.) Get up. Draw the - curtains (Pause.) Fling open the curtains, the windows, let in the sun, the breeze, pour in, go out, sun, breeze, flowers, birds, get up, open all up, go out, live! (Pause) Can't you! (Pause.) The voice Normal tone.) The voice (assuming voice, low, fast, breathless.) Ah you and your living, will you leave off talking to me about living. (Panting.) What else am I doing only living, what else do you call this I'm doing only living? (Panting.) Is it because I'm lying here quiet with my thoughts - (panting) - not whining after anything and not pawing over anything - (panting) - that I amn't living? (Norm (Pause. Normal voice.) The thoughts. (Pause) How it is that - (Pause.) how it is you can't one cannot see the - (pause) - xxx cause. (Pause. xxx xxx cause. (Pause.) Lie there in possession knowing xx all the facts with and nothing else other to do and not never see the xxx xxx cause. (Pause.) What has become of the need for help. (Pause.) Quiet with them. (Assumed voice, vehement.) Take it away! Take it away! Go away! (Panting. Normal voice.) Turn it off! (Panting. Normal voice.) Sings Songs. (Sing. (Sings.)
              .   .   .   .   .   .
              .   .   .   .   .   .   .
(Pause. Sings)
              .   .   .   .   .   .   .
              .   .   .   .   .   .   .
(Pause)

(Pause of 1 to 2 seconds every minute or minute & a half at least a week's silence in year)

These pauses silences pauses scarcely more than for breath[] and I do not count the others the commas these pauses between periods are not on a average ... of an average ... on an average more than of say do not exceed more than say from one to two seconds on an average any single one and I have calculated, I have calculated while going along but they add mount up and I have calculated reckoned, I have reckoned on whilst going along that that one on an average every minute on an average mounts up to a week a year I think this is accurate, a week's silence week's silence so why would I complain, I do not, this it is undoubtedly among other things that keeps me going.

DOODLE 24
MS. Pages: cover - 13r 13v - 18r 18v - backcover