MS-HRC-SB-5-10

[0124] try and see where these considerations lead.[0125] I have been ^here, ^{here ever}[⁁] since
I began to be, here, my appearances elsewhere being due to other
parties.[0126] All has proceeded, throughout ^all this time, in the utmost
calm, the most perfect order, apart from a few manifestations the
meaning of which escapes me.[0127] No, it is not that their meaning es-
capes me, my own escapes me just as much.

[0128] Here all things ... ^— no, I
shall not say it, being unable to.[0129] I owe my existence to nobody,
these faint fires are not of the kind ^those that illuminate or burn.
[0130] Going nowhere, coming from nowhere, Malone passes.[0131] These notions
of ancestors ^forbears, of houses where lamps are lit at night, and other
kindred ones ^such, where do they come to me from?[0133] And all these quest-
ions that I ask myself.[0134] It is not in a spirit of curiosity.

[0135] I
cannot be silent.[0136] I do not need to know anything about myself ^{About myself I need to know nothing}.
[0137] Here all is clear.[0138] No, all is not clear.[0139] But the discourse must
continue ^{go on}.[0140] So one invents obscurities.[0141] It is r^Rhetoric.[0142] What then ^{These lights}
is so strange about these lights, I do not ask them to mean any- ^{for example, which I do not ask to have meaning mean anything, what is there so strange}
thing, so out of place almost? ^{about them, one might almost say so wrong?}[0143] Is it their irregularity, their
instability, ^{is it} their shining strong one minute and weak the next,
but never exceeding ^beyond the power of one or two canf^dles?

[0144] Malone appears
and disappears with the punctuality of clockwork, always at the
same distance from me, at the same speed ^velocity, in the same direction,
in the same attitude.[0145] But the play of the lights is truly unpre-
dictable.[0146] It is only fair to say that to eyes less knowing than
mine they would probably pass quite unnoticed ^unseen..

[0147] But even to mine
do they not sometimes do so?[0148] They are perhaps unwavering and
foⁱxed and my fitful perceiving the cause of their inconstancy.
[0149] I hope I shall ^may have occasion to come back to this question.

[0150] But
I shall remark without further delay, in order to be sure of doing
so, that I am counting ^relying on these lights, as indeed on all other
similar sources of credible perplexity, to help me continue and
perhaps even conclude.[0151] Upon which I shall continue ^{[And xxx I] I resume}, I have to. ^{I have to.}
[0152] Yes, where was I, from the unexceptionable harmony of this place ^{order that has prevailed
here} up to now ^date may I infer that such will always n^be the case?I may

[0153] I may