MS-HRC-SB-5-10

[0580] [end of revision] be free, free to dribble, free to speak no more, listen no more,
and I have forgotten what it is.[0581] There at last is a fair picture
of my situation.[0582] I was given a pensum, at birth perhaps, as a
punishment for having been born perhaps, or for no particular
reason, because they dislike me, and I have forgotten what it
is.

[0583] But was I ever told?[0584] Squeeze, squeeze, not too hard, but
squeeze a little ^longer, this is perhaps about you,[0586] and your goal
at ^hand.[0587] After ten thousan^d words?[0588] A goal then, after it there
will be others.

[0589] Speak, yes, but to me, I have ^never spoken enough
to me, ^never listened enough to me, ^never replied enough to me, ^never had
pity enough on me, I have spoken for my master, listened for
the words of my master never spoken, Well done, my child, well
done, my son, you may stop, you may go, you are free, you are
acquitted, you are pardoned, never spoken.[0590] My master.[0591] There is
a vein I must not lose sight of.

[0592] But for the moment my concern
is with — but before I forget, there may be more than one, a
whole colle^ge (panel) of tyrants, having divergent views as to
what should be done with ^me, in conclave since time began or ^{a little
later}, listening to me from time to time, then breaking up for
a meal or a game of cards, all unbeknown to me, who knows —

[0592] with the pensum of which I think I may safely say, without loss
of face, that i^t is in some way related to that lesson too hastily
proclaimed, too hastily denied. For all I need say is this, that
if I have a pensum to perform, it is because I could not say my
lesson, and that when I have finished my pensum I shall still
have my lesson to say, before I have the right to stay quiet in my corner, alive and dribbling, my mouth shut,
my ton^gue at rest, far from all disturbance, all sound, my mind
at peace, that is to say empty.

[0593] But this does not get me very far.
[0594] For even should I hit upon the right pensum, somewhere in this
churn of words at last, I should still have to recoⁿstitute the
right lesson, unless ^[/]of course the two are one and the same, which
obviously is not impossible either.[0595] Strange notion in any case,
and eminently open to suspicion, that of a task to be performed,
before one can be at rest.Strange task which consists in

[0596] Strange task which consists in