MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

[3305] he would raise his head and find himself alone, in a strange place, and
when I, waking from my reverie, would turn and find him gone? [3306] I toyed
briefly with the idea of attaching him to me by means of a long rope, its
two ends tied about our waists. [3307] There are various ways of attracting
attention and I was not sure that this was one of the good ones.

[3308] And he
might have undone his knots in silence, and escaped, leaving me to go on
my way alone, followed by a long rope trailing in the dust, like a burgess
of Calais. [3309] Until such time as the rope, catching on some fixed or heavy
object, sw^hould stop me dead in my stride. [3310] We should have needed, not the
soft and silent rope, but a chain, which was not to be dreamt of.

[3311] And yet
I did dream of it, for an instant I amused myself dreaming of it,
imagining myself in a world less ill contrived and wondering how, having
nothing more than a simple chain, without collar or band or gyves or
fetters of any kind, I could chain my son to me in such a way as to
prevent him from ever shaking me off again.

[3312] It was a simple problem of
toils and knots and I could have solved it at a pinch. [3313] But already I was
called elsewhere by the image of my son no longer behind me, but before me.
[3314] Thus in the rear I could keep my eye on him and intervene, at the least
false movement he might make. [3315] But apart from having other parts to play,
during this expedition, than those of keeper and sick nurse, the prospect
was more than I could bear of being unable to move a step without having
before my eyes my son's little sullen plump body. [3316] Come here! I cried.

[3317] For on hearing me say we were to go to the left ha^e had gone to the left,
as if his dearest wish was to infuriate me. [3318] Slumped over my umbrella, my
head sunk as beneath a malediction, the fingers of my free hand between
two slats of the wicket, ^I no more stirred than if I had been of stone. [3319] So
he came back a second time. [3320] I tell you to keep behind me and you go
before me, I said.