MS-HRC-SB-5-10

[0479] a moment ^worthier than grey to enfold me.[0480] What ^rubbish
all this ^stuff about light and dark.[0481] And how I have
wallowed in it.[0482] But ^do I roll, ^{in the manner of} a true ball? Or am I in
equilibrium somewhere, on one of my ^numberless poles?[0483] I
feel strongly tempted to ^enquire .[0484] What a ^reams I
could ^elicit from this apparently so legitimate preoccupation.

[0480] What ^rubbish
all this ^stuff about light and dark.[0481] And how I have
wallowed in it.[0482] But ^do I roll, ^{in the manner of} a true ball? Or am I in
equilibrium somewhere, on one of my ^numberless poles?[0483] I
feel strongly tempted to ^enquire .[0484] What a ^reams I
could ^elicit from this apparently so legitimate preoccupation.

[0481] And how I have
wallowed in it.[0480] What ^rubbish
all this ^stuff about light and dark.[0482] But ^do I roll, ^{in the manner of} a true ball? Or am I in
equilibrium somewhere, on one of my ^numberless poles?[0483] I
feel strongly tempted to ^enquire .[0484] What a ^reams I
could ^elicit from this apparently so legitimate preoccupation.

[0485] But which would not be credited to me.[0486] No, between me and
the right to silence, ^{to rest before I end}, stretches the same old
lesson, the ^one I knew by heart and would not say, I don't
know why, ^perhaps for fear of silence , or thinking any old
thing would do, and so lies for preference, in order to re-
maiⁿ hidden ^,[0487] ^no importance.[0488] But now I shall say my lesson, if
I can remember it.

[0489] Under the skies, on the roads, in the towns,
in the woods, in the ^hills, in the plains, by the ^shores,
on the ^sea, behind my mannikins, I was not always sad,
wasted my time, abjured my rights, suffered for nothing, for-
got my lesson. [Stet] [0490] Then a little he^ll after my own heart, ^{not too cruel,} with
a few nice damned to hang ^foist my groans on, something sighing off
and on and the ^distant gleams of pity's fires biding
their hour to promote us to ashes.

[0491] I speak, speak, because I
must, but I do not listen, I seek my lesson, my life I
used to know and would not confess, whence possibly an
occasional slight lack of limpidity.[0492] And perha^ps now
again I shall do no more than seek my lesson, and ^never
say it, to the self-accompaniment of a ^tongue that is
not mine.

[0493] But instead of saying what I should not have
said, and what I shall say no more, ^{if I can,} and what I shall say
perhaps, if I can, should I not rather say some other
thing, even though it ^is not yet the right thing?[0494] ^I'll [Stet]
try, ^I'll try in another present, even though it be not
yet mine, without pauses, without tears, without eyes, with-
out reasons.

[0495] Let ^{it be assumed} [Stet] then that I am at rest, ^{though it's} unimportant
, at rest or never still, through the
air or in contact with other surfaces, or that I sometimes
^move, sometimes rest, since I fe^el nothing, neither quietude