MS-HRC-SB-5-10

[0479] a moment more worthy ^worthier than grey to enfold me.[0480] What nonsense ^rubbish
all this business ^stuff about light and dark.[0481] And how I have
wallowed in it.[0482] But [f]^do I roll, like ^{in the manner of} a true ball? Or am I in
equilibrium somewhere, on one of my innumerable ^numberless poles?[0483] I
feel strongly tempted to know ^{enquire discover}.[0484] What a chunk ^slice of discourse ^reams I
could squeeze ^elicit from this apparently so legitimate preoccupation.

[0480] What nonsense ^rubbish
all this business ^stuff about light and dark.[0481] And how I have
wallowed in it.[0482] But [f]^do I roll, like ^{in the manner of} a true ball? Or am I in
equilibrium somewhere, on one of my innumerable ^numberless poles?[0483] I
feel strongly tempted to know ^{enquire discover}.[0484] What a chunk ^slice of discourse ^reams I
could squeeze ^elicit from this apparently so legitimate preoccupation.

[0481] And how I have
wallowed in it.[0480] What nonsense ^rubbish
all this business ^stuff about light and dark.[0482] But [f]^do I roll, like ^{in the manner of} a true ball? Or am I in
equilibrium somewhere, on one of my innumerable ^numberless poles?[0483] I
feel strongly tempted to know ^{enquire discover}.[0484] What a chunk ^slice of discourse ^reams I
could squeeze ^elicit from this apparently so legitimate preoccupation.

[0485] But which would not be credited to me.[0486] No, between me and
the right to silence, the living rest ^{to rest before I end}, stretches the same old
lesson, the lesson ^one I knew by heart and would not say, I don't
know why, ^perhaps for fear of the silence perhaps, or thinking any old
thing would do, and so lies for preference, in order to re-
maijⁿ hidden. ^,[0487] No ^no importance.[0488] But now I shall say my lesson, if
I can remember it.

[0489] Under the skies, on the roads, in the towns,
in the woods, in the mountains ^hills, in the plains, by the seas ^shores,
on the waves ^sea, behind my mannikins, I was not always sad, I
wasted^ing my time, abjured^ing my rights, suffered^ing for nothing, for-
got^getting my lesson. [Stet] [0490] Then a little hee^ll after my own heart, ^{not too cruel,} with
a few nice damned to hang ^foist my groans on, something sighing off
and on and the far off ^distant gleams of pity's flames fires biding
their hour to promote us to ashes.

[0491] I speak, speak, because I
must, but I do not listen, I seek after my lesson, my life I
used to know and would not confess, whence possibly an
occasional slight lack of limpidity.[0492] And perhal^ps now once
again I shall do no more than seek after my lesson, and fail ^never
to say it, to the self-accompaniment of a language ^tongue that is
not mine.

[0493] But instead of saying what I should not say have
said, and what I shall say no more, ^{if I can,} and what I shall say
perhaps, if I can, should In I not rather say some other
thing, even though it be ^is not yet the right thing?[0494] I shall ^I'll [Stet]
try, I shall ^I'll try in another present, even though it be not
yet mine, without pauses, without tears, without eyes, with-
out reasons.

[0495] Let us assume ^{it be assumed} [Stet] then that I am at rest, ^{though it's} unimportant
though this is, at rest or rolling never still, through the
air or in contact with other surfaces, or that I sometimes
roll ^move, sometimes rest, since I fel^el nothing, neither quietude