MS-HRC-SB-5-9-1

[0829] dose that would have cut short my functions,
whatever they may have been.[0830] Having (in
spite of everything) remarked the habitation
and admitted to myself that I had perhaps
seen it before, I gave no further thought to
it nor to the near and dear ones who, in an
ever-increasing turmoil of expectation,
filled it to overflowing.

[0831] Though now close
at hand, as the crow flies, to my goal ^{[ADDITION]Addition on page 35vdestination} , I
did not quicken my step.[0832] I could have no
doubt, but I had to [xxx] my strength,
if I was ever to arrive.[0833] I did not par-
ticularly want to arrive, but I was obliged
to do my utmost, in order to arrive.

[0834] A
desirable goal, no, I never had time
to [xxx] meditate on that.[0835] On, I call that
on, I have always gone on, if not in a
straight line, at least in according to the
figure assigned to me.[0836] There was never
any pla room in my life for anything else.

[0837] Still Mahood speaking.[0838] I have never
stopp Never once have I stopped.[0839] My
halts do not count.[0840] Their purpose was to
enable me to go on.

[0841] I did not use them to
[ponder] on my state lot, but to rub myself,
as best I might, with friar's balsam, for
example, or to give myself an injection of
laudanum, no easy matters either of them
for a man with only one leg.

[0842] Often the cry
went up, He's down!, whereas in reality
I had sunk to the ground of my own free
will, in order to be rid of my crutches
and have both hands free to minister to
myself with greater comfort.

[0843] Admittedly it
is difficult, for a man with but one leg,
to sink down ^{to earth} in the full sense of the expression,
particularly when he is weak in the head
and when the remaining leg is flabby for
want of exercise, or from excess of it.

[0844] The
simplest then is to throw away the crutches
and collapse.[0845] That is what I did.[0846] They
were therefore right in saying that I had fallen,
they were not far wrong.

[0847] I have also known
what it is to fall involuntarily, [xx] but
not often, not often, an old stager like me,
you can imagine, he doesn't fall involuntarily,
it doesn't often happen that he falls involuntarily,
he lets himself fall in time.[0847|001] [xx] But have it