MS-HRC-SB-4-2-4

[0293] Just been listening to that stupid bastard I took myself
for thirty years ago, hard to believe I was ever as bad as
that.[0294] Thank ^Christ that's all anyway.[0295] (Pause.)
[0296] The eyes she had![0297] (Broods, realizes he is recording silence,
switches off, broods. [0298] Finally.)[0299] Everything there, everything,
all the -[0300] (Realizes this is not being recorded, switches on.)

[0301] Everything there, everything on earth, all the
light and dark and famine and fea^sting of...(hesitates⁾...
the ages![0302] (In a shout.)[0303] Yes![0304] (Pause.)[0305] Let that go![0306] Jesus!
[0307] Take his mind off his homework![0308] Jesus![0309] (Pause. [0310] Weary.)[0311] Ah well,
maybe he was right.[0312] (Pause.)[0313] Maybe he was right.[0314] (Broods.

[0315] Realizes. [0316] Switches off. [0317] Consults envelope.)[0318] Pah![0319] (Crumples
it and throws it away. [0320] Broods. [0321] Switches on.)[0322] Nothing to say,
not a squeak.[0323] What's a year now?[0324] [⁁][0324] ^{The sour cud and the hard stool. [⁁]}
[0325] (Pause.)[0326] Revelled in the word spool.[0327] (With relish.)[0328] Spooool!

[0329] Happiest moment of the [⁁] ^{past half million [⁁]}.[0330] (Pause.)[0331] Seventeen copies sold, of
which eleven at ^{trade price} to free ^circulating libraries ^{beyond the seas.}
[0332] Getting known.[0333] (Pause.)[0334] One pound six and some-
thing, eight I have little doubt.[0335] (Pause.)[0336] Crawled out once
or twice, before the summer was cold.[0337] Sat ^shivering in the park, drowned
in dreams and I was ^{burning to be} gone.[0338] Not a soul.[0339] (Pause.)[0340] Last
fancies.[0341] ^{( Vehemently.)}[0342] ^{Keep 'em under!}[0342|001] (Pause.)

[0342|002] Resolutions.[0342|003] (Pause.)[0342|004] Aspirations.[0343] ⁽Pause.)[0344] Scalded the eyes
out of me reading Effie again, a page a day, with tears again.
[0345] Effie...[0346](Pause.)[0347] Could have been happy with her,
up there on the Baltic, and the pines, and the dunes.[0348] (Pause.)

[0355] Fanny came in a couple of times.[0356] Bony old ^{ghost of a} whore.[0357] Couldn't do
much, but I suppose better than nothing.[0358] The last time wasn't
so bad.[0359] How do you manage it, she ^said, at your age^?[0360] Told her
I'd been saving up for her all my life.[0361] (Pause.)[0362] Went to
Vespers once, like when I was in short trousers.[0363] (Pause. [0364] Sings.)

[0365] Now the day is over,
Night is drawing nigh - igh
Shadows - (^Fit of coughing. Faintly.) ^- of the evening
Steal across the sky.
[0366] [⁁][0367] Went to sleep and fell off the pew.[0368] (Pause.)[0369] Sometimes wondered
in the night if a last effort mightn't -[0370] (Pause.)[0371] Ah empty
your bottle now and get to your bed.[0372] Finish this ^drivel in the
morning.[0373] Or leave it at that.[0374] (Pause.)[0375] Leave it at that.[0376] (Pause.)

[0377] Lie propped up in the dark - and wander.[0377|001] (Pause.)[0378] Be again in
the dingle on a Christmas Eve, gathering holly, the red-berried.
[0379] (Pause.)[0380] Be again on Croghan on a Sunday morning, in the haze,
with the ^bitch, stop and listen to the bells.[0381] (Pause.)[0382] And so
on.[0383] (Pause.)[0384] Be again, be again.[0385] (Pause.)[0386] All that old misery.

[0387] (Pause.)[0388] Once wasn't enough for ^you.[0389] (Pause.)[0390] Lie down across
her.[0391] (Long pause. [0392] He suddenly bends over machine, switches off,
wrenches off tape, throws it away, puts on the other, winds it
forward to the passage he wants, switches on, listens staring
front.
[0393] - goo^seberries she said.[0394] I said agaiⁿ
I thought it was hopeless and no good going on, and she agreed,
without opening her eyes.[0395] (Pause.)I asked her to look at ^me

[0396] I asked her to look at ^me