MS-WU-MSS008-3-49

[0312] That she should confuse yes, no, I don't know and goodbye, was
all the same to me, I confused them myself. [0313] But that she should
associate the four knocks with anything but money was something
to be avoided at all costs.

[0314] During the period of training therefore,
at the same time as I administered the four knocks on her skull,
I stuck a bank-note under her nose or in her mouth. [0315] In the innocence
of my heart! [0316] For she seemed to have lost, if not absolutely all
notion of mensuration, at least the faculty of counting beyond two.

[0317] It was too far for her, yes, the distance was too great, from one
to four. [0318] By the time she came to the fourth knock she imagined
she was o^nly at the second, the first two having been erased from
her memory as completely as if they had never been felt, though I
don't quite see how something never felt can be erased from the
memory, and yet it is a common occurrence.

[0319] She must have thought
I was saying no to her all the time, whereas nothing was further
from my purpose. [0320] Enlightened by these considerations I looked
for and finally found a more effective means of putting the idea
of money into her head. [0321] Thⁱs consisted in replacing the four knocks
of my index-knuckle by one or more (according to my needs) ^thumps
of the fist, on her skull. [0322] That she understood.

[0323] In any case I
didn't come for money. [0324] I took her money, but I didn't come for
that. [0325] My mother. I don't think too harshly of her. [0326] I know she
did all she could not to have me, except of course the one thing,
and if she never succeeded in getting me unstuck, it was that
fate had earmarked me for less compassionate sewers. [0327] But it was
well-meant and that's enough for me. [0328] No it is not enough for me,
but I give her credit, though she is my mother, for what she tried