MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-1

[0329] and spoiled the only endurable, just endurable, period of my
enormous history. [0330] And I also give her credit for not having
done it again, thanks to me, or for having stopped in time, when
she did. [0331] And if ever I'm reduced to looking for a meaning to my
life, you never can tell, it's in that old mess I'll stick my
nose to begin with, the mess of that poor old uniparous whore
and myself the last of my foul brood, neither man nor beast.

[0332] I
should add, before I get down to the facts, you'd swear they were
facts, of that distant summer afternoon, that with this dea^f blind
impotent mad old woman, who called me Dan and whom I called Mag,
and with her alone, I — no, I can't say it. [0333] That is to say I
could say it but I won't say it, yes, I could say it easily, because
it wouldn't be true. [0334] What did I see of her?

[0335] A head always, the
hands sometimes, the arms rarely. [0336] A head always. [0337] Veiled with
hair, wrinkles, filth, slobber. [0338] A head that darkened the air.
[0339] Not that seeing matters, but it's something to go on with. [0340] It
was I who took the key from under the pillow, who took the money
out of the drawer, who put the key back under the pillow.

[0341] But I
didn't come for money. [0342] I think there was a woman who came each
week. [0343] Once I touched with my lips, vaguely, hastily, that little
grey wizened pear. [0344] Pah. [0345] Did that please her? [0346] I don't know.
[0347] Her babble stopped for a second, then began again. [0349] Perhaps she
said to herself, Pah. [0350] I smelt a terrible smell.

[0351] It must have
come from the bowels. [0352] Odour of antiquity. [0353] Oh I'm not criticizing
her, I don't diffuse the perfumes of Araby myself. [0354] Shall I
describe the room? [0355] No. [0356] I shall have occasion to do so later
perhaps. [0357] When I seek refuge there, bet to the world, all shame