MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

[4414] to face or darkxt^[⁁]ly, perhaps there is no such person, that would not greatly
surprise me. [4415] And at the thought of the punishments Youdi might inflict
upon me I was seized by such a mighty fit of laughter that I shook, with
mighty silent laughter and my features composed in their wonted sadness
and calm.

[4416] But my whole body shook, and even my legs, so that I had to
lean against a tree, or against a bush, when the fit came on me standing,
my umbrella being no longer sufficient to keep me from falling. [4417] Strange
laughter truly, and no doubt misnamed, through indolence perhaps, or
ignorance. [4418] And as for myself, that unfailing pastime, I must say it was
far now from my thoughts.

[4419] But there were moments when it did not seem so
far from me, when I seemed to be drawing towards it as the sands towards
the wave, when it crests and whitens, though I must say this image hardly
fits ^[⁁]fitted my situation, which was rather that of the turd waiting for the flush.
[4420] And I note here the little beat my heart once missed, in my home, when a
fly, flying low above my ash-tray, raised a little ash, with the breath of
its wings.

[4421] And I grew gradually weaker and weaker and more and more
content. [4422] For several days I had eaten nothing. [4423] I could probably have
found blackberries and mushrooms, but I had no wish for them. [4424] I remained
all day stretched out in the shelter, vaguely regretting my son's raincoat,
and I crawled out in the evening to have a good laugh at the lights of
Bally.

[4425] And though suffering a little from wind and cramps in the stomach
I felt extraordinarily content, content with myself, almost elated,
enchanted with my performance. [4426] And I said, I shall soon lose consciousness
altogether, it is merely a question of time. [4427] But Gaber's arrival put a
stop to these frolics.

[4428] It was evening. [4429] I had just crawled out of the shelter for my evening
guffaw and the better to savour my exhaustion. [4430] He had already been there
for some time. [4431] He was sitting on a tree-stump, half asleep. [4432] Well Moran,
he said. [4433] You recognize me? I said. [4434] He took out and opened his notebook,