MS-UoR-1477-4

[0016] when you went in out of the rain always winter then always raining
that time in the Portrait Gallery in off the street out of the
rain slipped in when no one was looking and through the rooms all
shivering and dripping till you found a seat marble slab and sat
down to dry off and get your stren[⁁]^gth back and on out to hell out
of there when was that

[0019] was your mother still ah for God's sake
all dust the lot of them long ago you the last of the brood huddled
up on the slab in the old green greatcoat with your head on your
chest and your arms round you hugging you for a bit of warmth wait-
ing to dry off and get your strength back to get on to hell out of
there ^and on to tt^he next not a living soul in the place only yourself
and a few what's the word attendants a few attendants mooching
around in their felt pantofles and not a sound to be heard only
now and again the shuffle of felt drawing near then dying away

[0022] till in the end you hoisted your head to begin with prior to levvy-
ing yourself up and on out to hell out of there on to the next
and there before your eyes when they opened a vast oil black with
age and dirt someone famous in his time presumably some famous
man or woman or even child such as a young prince or princess some

[0022] young prince or princess of the blood ^{black with age} sheeted with glass where
gradually as you looked trying to make it out behind the glass and
dirt gradually of all things a face appeared that made you twist
round to see who was there in the room behind you you hadn't
heard come in

[0024] never the same after that never quite the same but t
that was nothing new with you if it wasn't this it was that twice
or three times a week on an average something you could never be
the same after dragging around year after year with your eyes on
the ground in y our lifelong mess muttering to yourself who else
you'll never be the same after this you were never the same after
that

[0030] ^{never the same}[⁁] but the same as what for God's sake did you ever say I to
yourself in your life come on now did you ever say I to yourself
in o^your ^life turning-point that was a great word with you before they
dried up altogether always having turning-points and never but the
one if the truth were knowⁿ the first and last that time you lay
curled up a worm in slime in the peace and dark and they lugged
you out and dried you off and straightened you up that was your
uy^turning-point never another after that never looked back after that
was that the time or was that another time

[0033] when last infirmity
you began not knowing who you were from Adam trying how that would
work not knowing who you were from Adam no idea who it was saying
what you were saying whose skull it was you were clapped up in
whose moan had you the way you were was that the time or was that
another time sitting there with the portraits of the dead black
with dirt and antiquity and the dates on the perhaps ^{xxx frame} in case you
might get the century wrong not believing it could be you till they
put you out in the rain at closing-time

[0036] the rain and the old rounds
trying making it up that way for a change ax^s you went along how
it would work that way for a change never having been how never hav-
ing been would work the old rounds trying to wangle you into it
tottering and muttering all over the parish till the words dried
up and the head dried up and the legs dried up whosever they were
or it gave up whoever it was

[0040] the old rounds always winter always
raining always slipping in somewhere when no one would be looking
in off the street out of the cold and wet in the old green hole-
proof greatcoat your father left you places you didn't have to pay
to get in such as the Public Library that was another another time
great thing free culture in bad weather far from home or the Post
Office that was another another time

[0047] always winter then endless
winter year after year as if it couldn't end the old year old year
couldn't end stuck in December day after day like time could go
no further earth no further that time in the Post Office all