MS-HRC-SB-5-10

[0814] that way.[0815] Then having kissed all round and wished one another
happy dreams and sweet repose they all retired, with the exception
naturally of the watch.[0816] What about hailing him?[0817] Por^or Papa, he
would have liked to encourage me vocally.[0818] Stick it, lad, it's your
last winter.[0819] But in the view of the trouble I a^was having, the
trouble I was taking, they wouldn't let him ^{held him back}, pointing out that
it wasn't the moment ^{was ill chosen} to give me a shock.

[0820] But what were my own
feelings at this period ^juncture?[0821] What was I thinking of?[0822] With what?
[0823] Was I having difficulty with my morale?[0824] The answer to all that is
this, I quote Mahhod , that I was entirely absorbed by the business
on hand and not at all concerned to know precisely, or even
approximately, what it consisted in.[0825] The only problem for me was
how to continue, since I could not do otherwise, ^{to the best of my declining powers,} in the motion
which had been imparted to me.

[0826] This obligation, and the quasi-
impossibility of fulfuⁱlling it, engrossed me in a purely mechanical
way, excluding notably the free play of my intelligence and
sensibility, so that my situation rather resembled that of an old
broken^-down cart or bat^-horse incapable of receic^ving the least
information either from its instinct or from its observation as
to whether it is moving towards it ^the stable or away from ^{[⁁] it}, and not
greatly caring.

[0827] The question, among others, of how such things
are possible had long since ceased to preoccupy me.[0828] This touching
picture of my situation I found by no means unattractive and as
I recall it I find myself wondering again if I was not in fact
the creature revom^lving in that yard, as Mahood assured me.[0829] Well
supplied with pain^-killers I drew upon them freely, without however
permitting myself the lethal dose that would hac^ve cut short my
functions, whatever they were may have been.

[0830] Having somehow or
other remarked the habitation and even admitted to myself that
I had perhaps seen it before^, I gave it no further thought^, nor
to the near and dears ones who filled it to overflowing, in
a mouⁿting fever of expectation.[0831] Though now close at hand, as the
crow flies, to my destination, I did not quicken my step.I could
have no doubt, but I had to husband my strength, if I was ever

[0832] I could
have no doubt, but I had to husband my strength, if I was ever