MS-HRC-SB-5-9-2

[1048] abandoned me ^as inutilizable, and (restored
me) to myself.[1049] Then then I can apply
myself at last to saying what I was, and
where, during all this lost time.[1050] But who is
he who is waiting for that from me, if my
guess is right?

[1051] And who those others whose
designs are so different?[1052] And into whose hands
I play when I ask such ^things.[1053] But do I?
[1054] In my jar did I ask myself questions?
[1055] And in the arena?[1056] I dwindled.[1057] I dwindle.
[1058] Not so long ago, with a kind of shrink of my
shoulders and head, as when one is scolded,
I could disappear.

[1059] Soon, at the rate I am
decreasing, I may spare myself the
effort.[1060] And spare
myself the trouble of closing my eyes, so as
not to see the light, for they are blinded
by the jar, a few inches away.

[1061] And I have
only to let my head fall forward against the
wall to be sure that the light from above,
which at night is that of the moon, will
not be reflected in there either, in those pretty
little blue mirrors, I used to look at myself
in them, to please them.[1062] Wrong, wrong,
this effort and this trouble will not be spared me.

[1063] For the woman, displeased at seeing me sink
lower and lower, has raised me up by filling
the bottom of my jar with sawdust which she
changes every week, when she makes my
toilet.[1064] It's softer than the stone, but less
hygienic.[1065] And I was used to the stone.

[1066] Now I am getting used to the sawdust.
[1067] It's an occupation.[1068] I could never bear
inaction, it saps one's strength.[1069] And I open and close
my eyes, open and close, as in the past.

[1070] And I move my
head in and out, in and out, as formerly.
[1071] And notably at dawn I often bring it in,
after having left it out all night, and this
with a very definite purpose, namely in order
to taunt
the woman, and lead her astray.

[1072] For in the
morning, when she has rattled up her shutters ?
(rideau), the first look of her eyes still
moist with sleep and fornication is for the
jar.[1073] And when she does not see
me she takes alarm and comes running to see
what ^{is wrong}.

[1074] For one of two things has
happened, either I have escaped during the
night, or else I have diminished again.
[1075] But just before she reaches me what do I
do but suddenly pop up my head, like