MS-WU-MSS008-3-71

[p. 01r] [0001] Where now? [0003] Who now? [0002] When now? [0004] Unquestioning. [0005] I, say I. [0006] Unbelieving. [0007] Questions, hypotheses, call them that. [0008] Keep going, gl ^{[place = overwritten] o}ing on, call that going, call that on. [0009] Can it be that one day, off it goes on, that one day I simply stayed in, in where, instead of going out, in the old way, out to spend day and night as far away as possible, it wasn't far. [0010] Perhaps that is how it began. [0012] You think you are simply resting, the better to act when the time comes, ^{[place = supralinear] or for no reason [place = inline] ,[ [place = overwritten] ,]} and you soon find yourself powerless ever to do anything again. [0013] No matter how it happened. [0014] It, say it, not knowing what. [0015] Perhaps I simply assented at last to an old thing. [0016] But I did nothing. [0017] I seem to speak, it is not I, about me, it is not about me. [0018] These few general remarks to begin with. [0019] What am I to do, what shall I do, what should I do, in my situation, how proceed? [0020] By xxx aporia pure and simple? Or by affirmations and negations invalidated as uttered, or sooner or later? [0021] Generally speaking. [0022] There must be other shifts. [0023] Otherwise it would be quite hopeless. [0024] But it is quite hopeless. [0025] I should mx ^{[place = overwritten] e}[ ^{[place = supralinear] e}]ntion before going any further, any further on, that I say aporia without knowing what it means. [0026] Can one xxxx ^{[place = supralinear] be} ephectic otherwise than unawares? [0027] I don't know. [0028] With the yesses and noes it is different, they will come back to me as I go along and how, like a bird, to shit on them all without exception. [0030] The fact would seem to be, if in my situation one may speak of facts, no ^{[place = inline] t} [ ^{[place = inline] /}] only that I shall have to speak of things of which I cannot speak, but also, which is even more interesting, but also that I, which is if possible ^{[place = inline] even} more interesting, that I shall have to, I forget, no matter. [0031] And at the same time I am obliged to speak. [0032] I shall never be silent. [0033] Never.
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[0034] I shall not be alone, in the beginning. [0035] I am of course[p. 02r] alone. [0036] Alone. [0037] That is son ^{[place = overwritten] o}n said. [0038] Things have to be seoon said. [0039] And how can one be sure, in such darkness? [0040] I shall have company. [0041] In the beginning. [0042] A few puppets. [0043] Then I'll scatter them, to the winds, [0044] if I can. [0045] And things, what is the correct attitude to adopt towards things? [0046] And, to begin with, are they necessary? [0047] What a question. [0048] But I have few illusions, things are to be expected. [0049] The best is not to decide anything, in this connexion, in advance. [0050] If a thing turns up, for some reason or another, take it into consideration. [0051] Where there are people, it is said, there are things. [0052] Does this mean that when you admit the former you must also admit the latter? [0053] Time will tell. [0054] The thing to avoid, I don't know why, is the spirit of system. [0055] Peope ^{[place = overwritten] l}[ ^{[place = supralinear] l}]e with things, people without things, things without people, what does it matter, I flatter myself it will not take me long to scatter them, whenever I choose, to the winds. [0056] I don't see how. [0057] The best would be not to begin. [0058] But I have to begin. [0059] That is to say I have to go on. [0060] Perhaps in the end I'll smother in a throng. [0061] Incessant comings and goings, the crush and bustle of a bargain sale. [0062] No, no danger. Of that.
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[0063] Malone is there. [0064] Of his mortal liveliness little trace remains. [0065] He passes before me at doubtless regular in ^{[place = supralinear] t}ervals, unless it is I who pass before him. [0066] No, once and for all, I do not move. [0067] He passes, motionless. [0068] But there will not be much on the subject of Malone, from whom there is nothing further to be hoped. [0069] Personally I do not intend to be bored. [0070] It was while watching him pass that I wondered if we cast a shadow. [0071] Impossible to say. [0072] He passes close by me, a few feet away, slowly, always in the same direction. [0073] I am almost sure it is he. [0074] The brimless hat seems to me conclusive. [0075] With his two hands he props up his jaw. [0076] He passes without a word. [0077] Perhaps he does not see me. [0078] One of these days I'll challenge him. I'll say, I don't know, I'll say something, I'll think of something when the time comes. [p. 03r] [0079] There are no days here, but I use the expression. [0080] I see him from the waist up, [0081] he stops at the waist, as far as I am concerned. [0082] The trunk is erect. [0083] But I do not know whether he is on his feet or on his knees. [0084] He might also be seated. [0085] I see him in profile. [0086] Sometimes I wonder if he ^{[place = supralinear] it} is not Molloy. [0087] Perhaps it is Molloy, wearing Malone's hat. [0088] But it is more reasonable to suppose it is Malone, wearing his own hat. [0089] There Oh look, there is the first thing, Mali ^{[place = overwritten] o}ne's hat. [0090] I see no other clothes. [0091] Perhaps Molloy is not here at all. [0092] Could he be, without my knowledge? [0093] The place is no doubt vast. [0094] Dim intermittent lights suggest a kind of distance. [0095] To tell the truth I believe they are all [ ^{[place = inline] /}] here, at least from Murphy on, I believe we are all here, but so far I have only seen Malone. [0096] Another hypothesis, they were here, but are here no longer. [0097] I shall examine it after my fashion. [0098] Are there other pits, deeper down? [0099] To which one accedes by mine? [0100] Stupid obsession with depth. [0101] Are there other places set aside for us and this one where I am, with Malone, merely their narthex? [0102] I thought I had done with phases ^{[place = supralinear] preliminaries}. [0103] No, no, we have all been here forever, we shall all be here for ever, I know it.
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[0104] No more questions. [0105] Is not this rather the place where one finishes vanishing? [0106] Will the day come when Malone will pass before ^{[place = supralinear] me} no more? [0107] Will the day come when Malone will pass before the spot where I was? [0108] Will the day come when another will pass before me, before the spot whee ^{[place = overwritten] r}[ ^{[place = supralinear] r}]e I was? [0109] I have no opinion, on these matters.
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[0110] Were I not devoid of feeling his beard would fill me with pity. [0111] It hangs down, on either side of his chin, in two twists of unequal length. [0112] Was there a time when I too revolved thus? [0113] No, I have always been sitting here, at this selfsame spot, my hands on my knees, gazing before me like a great horn-owl in an aviary. [0114] The tears stream down my cheeks from my unblinking eyes. [p. 04r] [0115] What makes me weep so? [0116] From time to time. [0117] There is nothing saddening here. [0118] Perhaps it is liquefied brain. [0119] Past happiness in any case has clean gone from my memory, assuming it was ever there. [0120] If I accomplish other natural functions it is unawares. [0121] Nothing ever troubles me. [0122] And yet I am troubled. [0123] Nothing has ever changed since I have been here. But I dare not infer from this that nothing ever will change. [0124] Let us try and see where these considerations lead. [0125] I have been here, ever since I began to be, my appearances elsewhere having been put in by other parties. [0126] All has proceeded, all this time, in the utmost calm, the most perfect order, apart from one or two manifestations the meaning of which escapes me. [0127] No, it is not that their meaning escapes me, my own escapes me just as much. [0128] Here all things, no, I shall not say ^{[place = supralinear] it}, being unable to. [0129] I owe my existence to no one, these faint fires are not of those that illuminate or burn. [0130] Going nowhere, coming from nowhere, Malone passes. [0131] These notions of forbears, of houses where lamps are lit at night, and other such, where do they come to me from? [0133] And all these questions I ask myself. [0134] It is not in a spirit of curiosity. [0135] I cannot be silent. [0136] About myself I need know nothing. [0137] Here all is clear. [0138] No, all is not clear. [0139] But the discourse must go on. [0140] So one invents obscurities. [0141] Rhetoric. [0142] These lights for instance, which I do not request ^{[place = supralinear] ire} to mean anything, what is there so strange about them, so wrong? [0143] Is it their irregy ^{[place = overwritten] u}[ ^{[place = supralinear] u}]larity, their instability, their shining strong one minute and weak the next, but never beyond the power of one or two candles? [0144] Malone appears and disappears with the punctuality of clockwork, always at the same remove, the same velocity, in the same direction,t the same attitude. [0145] But the play of the lights is tur truly unpredictable. [0146] It is only fair to say that to eyes less knowing than mine they would probably pass unseen. [0147] But even to mine do they not sometimes do so? [0148] They are perhaps unwavering and[p. 05r] fixed and my fitful perceiving the cause of [ ^{[place = inline] |}] their inconstancy. [0149] I hope I may have occasion to revert to this question. [0150] But I shall remark without further delay, in order to be sure of doing so, that I am rem ^{[place = overwritten] l}ying on these lights, as indeed on all other similar sources of credible perplexity, to help me continue and perhaps even conclude. [0151] I resume, having no alternative. [0152] Where was I? Ah yes, from the unexceptionable order which has prevailed here up to date may I infer that such will always be the case. ^{[place = inline] ?} [0153] I may of course. [0154] But the mere fact of asking myself such a question gives me to reflect. [0155] It is in vain I tell myself that its only purpose is to stimulate the lagging discourse, this excellent explanation does not satisfy me. [0156] Can it be I am the prey of a genuine preoccupation, of a need to know as one might say? [0157] I don't know. [0158] I'll try it another way. [0159] If one day a change were to take place, resulting from a principle of disorder already present, or on its way, what then? [0160] That would seem to depend on the nature of the change. [0161] No, here all change would be fatal and land me back, there and then, in all the fun of the fair. [0162] I'll try it another way. [0163] Has nothing really changed since I have been here? [0164] No, frankly, hand on heart, wait a second, no, nothing, to my knowledge. [0165] But, as I have said, the place may well be vast, as it may well measure twelve feet in diameter. [0166] It comes to the samr ^{[place = overwritten] e}[ ^{[place = supralinear] e}] thing, as far as discer ^{[place = supralinear] n}ing its limits is concerned. [0167] I like to think I occupy the centre, but nothing is less certain. [0168] In a sense I would be better off ar at the circumference, since my eyes are always fixed in the same direction. [0169] But I am certainly not at the circumference. [0170] For if I were it would follow that Malone, wheeling an ^{[place = overwritten] b}out me as he does, would issue from the enceinte at every revolution, which is manifestly impossible. [0171] But does he in fact wheel, does he not perhaps simply pass before me in a straight line? [0172] No, he wheels, I feel it, and about [ ^{[place = inline] |}] me, like a planet about its sun. [0173] And if he made a noise, as he goes, I would hear him all the time, on my right hand, behind my back, on my left hand, before[p. 06r] seeing him again.