MS-WU-MSS008-2-47

[1363] bonic gas, then say thanks for the nice time and go. [1364] That has
always been my dream at bottom, [1365] all the things that have always b
been my dream at bottom, [1366] so many strings and never a shaft. [1368] Yes,
an old foetus, that's what I am now, ^{[place = inline] [⁁] [place = supralinear] hoar and impotent,} mother is done for, I've rot-
ted her, sh' ^{[place = overwritten] e}'ll drop me with the help of gangrene, pr ^{[place = overwritten] e}rhaps papa
is at the party too, I'll land head-foremost mewling in the
charnel-house, not that I'll mewl, not worth it.

[1369] All the stories
I've told myself, clinging to the putrid mucus, and swelling,
swelling. ^{[place = overwritten] ,} [1370] S ^{[place = inline] [⁁] [place = margin left] s}[ ^{[place = supralinear] s}]aying,[ ^{[place = margin left] l.c.}] Got it at last, my legend. [1371] But whh ^{[place = margin right] y} this sudden
heat, has anything happened, anything changed? [1372] No, the answer is
no, I shall never get born and therefore never get dead, and a
good job too. [1373] And if I tell of me and of that other who is my
little one, it is as always for want of love, well I'll be bugger-
ed, I wasn't expecting that, want of a homuncule, I can't stop.

[1374] And yet it sometimes seems to me I did get born and had a long life
and met Jackson and wandered in the towns, the woods and wilder-
nesses and tarried by the seas in tears before the islands and
peninsulas where night lit the little ^{[place = inline] ,} brief yellow lights of man
and all night the great white and coloured beamns ^{[place = margin left] [₰]} shining in the
caves where I was happy, crouched on the sand in the lee of the

[1374] rocks with the sma ^{[place = overwritten] e}ll of the seaweed and the wet rock and the noise
howling of the wind ^{[place = inline] ,} the waves whipping me with foam ^{[place = inline] ,} or sighing on
the beach softly clawing the shingle, no, not happy, I was never
that, but wisj ^{[place = overwritten] h} wishing night would never end and morning never come
when men wake and say, Come on, we'll soon be dead, let's make the
best ^{[place = inline] [⁁] [place = margin left] most} [ ^{[place = supralinear] most}] of it.

[1375] But what matter whether I was born or not, have lived
or not, an ^{[place = overwritten] m [place = supralinear] m} dead or merely dying, I shall go on doing as I have al-