MS-BRML-NWWR-2-38

[0326] except of course the one thing, and if she never succeeded in
getting me unstuck, it was that fate had earmarked me for less
^[3] compassionate sewers.^[]] [0327] But it was well-meant and that's enough
for me. [0328] Not^[₰], it is not enough for me, but I give her credit, though
she is my mother, for what she tried to do for me. [0329] And I forgive
her for having jostled me a little in the first months and spoiled
the only endurable, just endurable, period of my enormous history.

[0330] And I also give her credit for not having done it again, thanks to
me, or for having stopped in time, when she did. [0331] And if ever I'm
reduced to looking for a meaning to my life, you never can tell, it's
in that old mess I'll stick my nose to begin with, the mess of that
poor old uniparous whore and myself^, the last of my foul brood,
neithr^er man nor beast.

[0332] I should add, before I get down to the facts,
v^you'd swear they were facts^, of that distant summer afternoon, that
with this deaf^, blind^, impotent^, mad old woman, who called me Dan and
whom I called Mag, and with her alone, I ---^[] no, I can't say it.
[0333] That is to say^, I could say it but I won't say it,^. yes, I could say
it easily, because it wouldn't be true. [0334] What did I see of her? [0335] A
head always, the hands sometimes, the arms rarely. [0336] A head always.

[0337] Veiled with hair, wrinkles, filth, slobber. [0338] A head that dark^ened
the air. [0339] Not that seeing matters, but it's something to go on
with. [0340] It's I who took the key from under the pillow, who took
the money out of the drawer, who put the key back under the pillow.

[0341] But I didn't come for money. [0342] I think there was a woman who came
each week. [0343] Once I touched with my lips, vaguely, hastily, that
little gre^ay^, wizened pear. [0344] Pah. [0345] Did that please her? [0346] I don't
know. [0347] Her babble stopped for a second, then began again. [0349] Perhaps
she said to herself, Pah. [0350] I smelt a terrible smell. [0351] I^t must have
come from the guts. [0352] Odou^[₰]r of antiquity. [0353] Oh I'm not criticis^zing