MS-BRML-NWWR-2-38

[0475] suppose, and there I was told to sit down. [0476] I must have tried to
explain. [0477] I won't go into it. [0478] I obtained permission, if not to
lie down on a bench, at least to remain standing, propped against
the wall. [0479] The room was dark and full of people hastening to and
fro, malefactors, policemen, lawyers, priests^, and journalists I
suppose. [0480] All that made a ^{it [?]} dark, dark forms crowding in a dark place.

[0481] They paid no attention to me and I repaid the compliment. [0482] Then he^ow
could I know that they were paying no attention to me and how could
I repay the compliment, since they were paying no attention to me?
[0483] I don't know. [0484] I knew it and I did it, that's all I know. [0485] But
suddenly a woman materialized before me, a big^, fat woman dressed
in black, or ^rather in mauve.

[0486] I still wonder today if it wasn't
the social worker. [0487] She was holding out to me, on an odd saucer,
a mug full of a gre^ayish concoction which must have been green tea
with saccharine and powdered milk. [0488] Nor was that all, for between ^{[beside the]}
mug and ^{[on the]} saucer a thick slab of dry bread was precariously lodged,
so that I began to say; in a kind of anguish, it's going to fall,
it's going to fall, as if it mattered whether it fell or not.

[0489] A
moment later I myself was holding, in my trembling hands, this
little pile of tottering disparates, in which the hard^, the liquid^,
and the soft were joined, without understanding how the transfer had
been effected.

[0490] Let me tell you this, when social workers offer you,
free^, gratis^, and for nothing, something to hinder you from losing
consciousness, which with them is an obsession, it is useless to
recoil, [0491] they will pursue you to the end of the earth, the vomitory
in their hand. [0492] The Salvation Army is no better. [0493] Against the
charitable gesture there is no defenc^se, that I know of. [0494] You sink
your head, you put out your hands all trembling and twined together