MS-WU-MSS008-3-49

[0988] moment comes, I know. [0989] For it is natural I should dilate at lesser
length on what I lost than on what I could not lose, that goes without
saying. [0990] And if I do not always appear to observe this principle it is
because it escapes me, from time to time, and vanishes, as utterly as
if I had never educed it. [0991] Mad words, not matter. [0992] For I no longer know
what I am doing, nor why, those are things I understand less and less,
I don't deny it, for why deny it, and to whom, to you, to whom nothing
is denied?

[0993] And then doing fills me with such a, I don't know, impossible
to express, for me, now, after so long, yes, that I don't stop to
enquire in virtue of what principle. [0994] And all the less so as whatever
I do, that is to say whatever I say, it will always as it were be the
same thing, yes, as it were. [0995] And if I speak of principles, when there
are none, I can't help it, [0996] there must be some somewhere. [0997] And if always
doing the same thing as it were is not the same as observing the same
principle, I can't help it either.

[0998] And then how can you know whether you
are observing it or not? [0999] And how can you want to know? [1000] No, all that
is not worth while, not worth bothering about, and yet you do bother
about it, your sense of values gone. [1001] And the things that are worth
while you do not bother about, you let them be, for the same reason,
or wisely, knowing that all these questions of worth and value have
nothing to do with you, who don't know what you're doing, nor why,
and must go on not knowing it, on pain of, I wonder what, yes, I wonder.

[1002] For anything worse than what I do, without knowing what, or why, I have
never been able to conceive, and that doesn't surprise me, for I never
tried. [1003] For had I been able to conceive something worse than what I had
I would have known no peace until i ^{[place = crossed over] I} got it, as I understand myself. [1004] And
what I have, what I am, is enough, was always enough for me, and as far
as my dear little sweet little future is concerned I have no qualms,