MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-1

[1261] I should never have talked about ^{[place = supralinear] mentioned} her, she was long before, I was sick,
perhaps there was no chambermaid, ever, in my life. [1262] Molloy, or life
without a chambermaid. [1263] All of which goes to demonstrate that the fact
of having met Lousse and even frequented her, in a way, proved nothing
as to her sex.

[1264] And I am quite willing to go on thinking of her as an
old woman, widowed and withered, and of Ruth as another, for she too
used to speak of her defunct husband and of his inability to satisfy her
insatiable ^{[place = supralinear] [⁁]legitimate} longings. cravings. [1265] And there are days, like this evening,
when my memory confuses them and I am tempted to think of them as one
and the same old hag, flattened and crazed by life.

[1266] And God forgive
me, to tell you the horrible truth, my mother's image sometimes merges
in ^{[place = supralinear] mingles with} theirs, which is literally unendurable, like being crucified, I don't
know why and I don't want to. [1267] But I left Lousse at last, one warm
airless night, without saying goodbye, as I might at least have done,
and without her trying to hold me back, except perhaps by spells.

[1268] But
she must have seen me go, get up, take my crutches and go away, springing
on them through the air. [1269] And she must have seen the wicket close behind
me, for it closed by itself, with the help of a spring, and known me
gone, for ever. [1270] For she knew the way I had of going to the wicket and
peeping out, and ^{[place = supralinear] [⁁]then} quickly drawing back.

[1271] And she did not try to and hold
me back but she went and sat down on her dog's grave, perhaps, which
was mine too in a way, and which by the way she had not sown with grass,
as I had thought, but with all kinds of little ^{[place = supralinear] [⁁]many-coloured} flowers of many colours
and herbaci ^{[place = overwritten] e}ous plants, seled ^{[place = overwritten] c}ted ^{[place = supralinear] I imagine} in such a way ^{[place = supralinear] I imagine} that when some went out
others litu up, ^{[place = overwritten] .} I fancy.

[1272] I left her my by ^{[place = overwritten] i} bicycle which I had tq ^{[place = overwritten] a}ken
a dislike to, suspecting it to be the vehicle of some malignant agency
and perhaps the cause of my recent misfortunes. [1273] But all the same I
would have taken it with me if I had known where it was and that it
was in running condition ^{[place = supralinear] [⁁]order}. [1274] But I did not. [1275] And I was afraid, if I