MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

[2515] as due to myself. [2516] I was floundering. I so ^sly as a rule. [2517] I tried to
mend matters, saying, A little later than usual, not before nine. [2518] She
turned to go, her simple mind already in a turmoil. [2519] I am at home to no
one, I said. [2520] I knew what she would do, she would throw a sack over her
shoulders and slip off to the bottom of the garden. [2521] There she would call
Hannah, the old cook of the Elsner sisters, and they would whisper together
for a long time, through the railings.

[2522] Hannah never went out, she did not
like going out. [2523] The Elsner sisters were not bad neighbours, as neighbours
go. [2524] They made a little too much music, that was the only fault I could
find with them. [2525] If there is one thing gets on my nerves it is music. [2526] What
I assert, deny, question, in the present, I still can. [2527] But mostly I shall
use the various tenses of the past.

[2528] For mostly I do not know, it is
perhaps no longer so, it is too soon to know, I simply do not know, perhaps
shall never know. [2529] I thought a little of the Elsner sisters. [2530] Everything
remained to be planned and there I was thinking of the Elsner sisters.
[2531] They had an aberdeen called Zulu. [2532] People called it Zulu. [2533] Sometimes, when
I was in a good humour, I called, Zulu! [2534] Little Zulu! and he would come
and talk to me, through the railings.

[2535] But I had to be feeling gay. [2536] I
don't like animals. [2537] It's a strange thing, I don't like men and I don't
like animals. [2538] As for God, he is beginning to disgust me. [2539] Crouching down
I would stroke his ears, through the railings, and utter wheedling words.
[2540] He did not realize he disgusted me. [2541] Hereared up on his hind legs and
pressed his chest against the bars.

[2542] Then I could see his little black
penis ending in a thin wisp of wetted hair. [2543] He felt insecure, his hams
trembled, his little paws fumbled for purchase, one after the other. [2544] I
too wobbled, squatting on my heels. [2545] With my free hand I held on to the
railings. [2546] Perhaps I disgusted him too. [2547] I found it hard to tear myself
away from these vain thoughts.