MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

36^(b)

[3081] grimacing in disgust. [3082] That was all the thanks I got. [3083] I waited until the
last drop, the last crumb, had disappeared. [3084] He turned to the wall and I
tucked him in. [3085] I was within a hair's breadth of kissing him. [3086] Neither he
nor I had uttered a word. [3087] We had no further need of words, for the time
being. [3088] Besides my son rarely spoke to me unless I spoke to him. [3089] And when
I^[|] did so he answered but lamely and as it were with reluctance.

[3090] And yet
with his little friends, when he thought I was out of the way, he was
incredibly voluble. [3091] That my presence had the effect of ^dampening this
disposition was far from displeasing me. [3092] Not one person in a hundred ^{[₰]
[⁁]knows how} to be silent and listen, no, nor even to conceive what such a thing
means.

[3093] Yet only then can you detect, beyond the fatuous clamour, the
silence of which the universe is made. [3094] I desired this advantage for my
son. [3095] And that he should hold aloof from those who pride themselves on
their eagle gaze. [3096] I had not struggled, toiled, suffered, made good, lived
like a Hottentot, so that my son should do the same. [3097] I tiptoed out. [3098] I
quite enjoyed playing my parts ^[⁁]through to the bitter end.

[3099] Since in this way I shirked the issue, have ^I to apologise for saying
so? [3100] I let fall this suggestion for what it is worth. [3101] And perfunctorily.
[3102] For in describing this day I am once more he who suffered it, who crammed
it full of futile anxious life, with no other purpose than his own
stultification^[₰] and the means of not doing what he had to do. [3103] And as then
my thoughts would have none of Molloy, so tonight my pen. [3104] This confession
has been preying on my mind for some time past. [3105] To have made it gives me
no relief.

[3106] I reflected with bitter satisfaction that if my son lay down and died
by the wayside, it would be none of my doing. [3107] To every man his own
responsibilities. [3108] I know of some they do not keep awa^ke.

[3109] I said, There is something in this house tying my hands. [3110] A man like