MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

[3195] a chessboard, coldly hatching my plans, for the next day, for the day after,
creating time to come. [3196] And then I forgot that my son would be at my side,
restless, plaintive, whinging for food, whinging for sleep, dirtying his
drawers. [3197] I opened the drawer of my night-table and took out a full tube of
morphine tablets, my favourite sedative.

[3198] I have a huge bunch of keys, it weighs ^[⁁]over a pound. [3199] Not a door,
not a drawer in my house but the key to it goes with me, wherever I go. [3200] I
carry them in the right-hand pocket of my trousers, of my breeches in this
case. [3201] A massive chain, attached to my braces, prevents me from losing them.
[3202] This chain, four or five times longer than necessary, lies, coiled, on the
bunch, in my pocket. [3203] Its weight gives me a list to the right, when I am
tired, or when I forget to countera^ct it, by a muscular effort.

[3204] I looked round for the last time, saw that I had neglected certain
precautions, rectified this, took up my haversack, I nearly wrote my
bagpipes, my boater, my umbrella, I hope I'm not forgetting anything,
switched off the light, went out into the passage and locked my door. [3205] That
at least is clear. [3206] Immediately I heard a strangling noise. [3207] It was my son,
sleeping.

[3208] I woke him. [3209] We haven't a moment to lose, I said. [3210] Desperately
he clung to his sleep. [3211] That was natural. [3212] A few hours sleep however deep
are not enough for an organism in the first stages of puberty ^{suffering from
stomach-trouble.}. [3213] And when I began to shake him and help him out of bed,
pulling him first by the arms, then by the hair, he turned away from me in
fury, to the wall, and dug his nails into the mattress.

[3214] I had to muster
all my strength to overcome his resistance. [3215] But I had hardly freed him
from the bed when he broke from my hold, threw himself down on the floor
and rolled about, screaming with anger and defiance. [3216] ^{[⁁]The fun} was beginning
already. [3217] This disgusting exhibition left me no choice but to use my
umbrella, holding it by the end with both hands. [3218] But a word on ^{the subject of} my boater,