MS-HRC-SB-4-3

[1348] them trickle betww^een its fingers. [1349] And sometimes, when all is
quiet, I feel it plunged in me up to the elbow, but gentle, and
as though sleeping. [1350] But soon it stirs, wakes, fondles, clutches,
ransacks, ravages, avenging its failure to scatter me with one
sweep. [1351] I can understand.

[1352] But I have felt so many strage ^strange things,
so many baseless things assuredly, that they are perhaps better
left unsaid. [1353] To speak for example of the times when I go liquid
and become like mud, what good would that do? [1354] Or of the others
when I would be lost in the eye of an a needle, I am so hard and
contracted? [1355] No, those are well-meaning squirms that get me nowhere.

[1356] I was speaking then was I not of my little pastimes and I think
about to say that I ought to content myself with them, instead of
launching forth on all this ballsaching poppycock about life and
death, if that is what it is all about, and I suppose it is, for
nothing was ever about anything else to the best of my recollect-
ion. [1357] But what tⁱt is all about exactly I could no more say, at
the present moment, than take up my bed and walk.

[1358] It's vague,
life and death. [1359] I must have had my little private idea on the
subject when I began, otherwise I would not have begun, I would
have held my peace, I would have gone on peacefully being bored to
howls, having my little fun and gal^mes with the cones and cylinders,
the millet grains beloved of birds and other panics, until some-
one was kind enought t enough to come and coffin me.

[1360] But it is gone
clean out of my head, my little private idea. [1361] No matter, I have just
had another. [1362] Perhaps it is the same one back again, ideas are so
alike, when you get to know them. [1363] Be born, that's the brainwave now,
that is to say live long enough to get acquainted with free car-