MS-WU-MSS008-3-49

[1447] without an atom of common sense or lucidity. [1448] But they were the best I
had. [1449] Yes, the confusion of my ideas on the subject of death was such that
I sometimes wondered, believe me or not, if it wasn't a state of being
even worse than life. [1450] So I found it natural not to rush into it and,
when I forgot myself to the point of trying, to stop in time. [1451] It's my
only excuse.

[1452] So I crawled into some hole somewhere I suppose and waited,
half-sleeping, half sighing groaning and laughing, or feeling my body,
to see if anything had changed, for the morning frenzy to abate. [1453] Then
I resumed my spirals. [1454] And as to saying what became of me, and where
I went, in the months and perhaps the years that followed, no. [1455] For I
weary of these inventions and others beckon to me. [1456] But in order to
blacken a few more pages may I say I spent some time at the
seaside, without incident.

[1457] There are people the sea doesn't suit, they
prefer the mountains or the plain. [1458] Personally I feel no worse there than
anywhere else. [1459] Much of my life has ebbed away before this shivering
expanse, to the sound of the waves in storm and calm, and the claws
of the surf. [1460] Before, no, more than before, one with, spread on the saⁿd,
or in a cave.

[1461] In the sand I was in my element, letting it trickle
between my fingers, scooping holes that I filled in a moment later or
that filled themselves in, flinging it in the air by handfuls, rolling
in it. [1462] And in the cave, lit by the beacons at night, I knew what to
do to be no worse than anywhere else. [1463] And that my land went no further,
in one direction at least, did not displease me.

[1464] And to feel there
was one direction at least in which I could go no further, without first
wetting myself, and then drowⁿing myself, was a blessing. [1465] For I have
always said, First learn to walk, then you can take swimming lessons.
[1466] But don't imagine my region ended at the coast, that would be a grave
mistake. [1467] For it was this sea too, its reefs and dist^ant islands, and
its hidden depths. [1468] And I too ^once went forth on it, in a sort of oarless