MS-WU-MSS008-3-50-2

[2475] said. [2476] He was still there. [2477] I asked him what he was waiting for to do as
I had told him. [2478] If I had been my son I would have left me long ago. [2479] He
was not worthy of me, not in the same class at all. [2480] I could not escape
this conclusion. [2481] ^{[₰] C}old comfort that is, to feel superior to one's son,
and hardly sufficient to calm the remorse of having begotten him.

[2482] May I
bring my stamps? he said. [2483] My son had two albums, a big one for his
collection properly speaking and a small one for the duplicates. [2484] I
authorised him to bring the latter. [2485] When I can give pleasure, without
doing violence to my princⁱples, I do so gladly. [2486] He withdrew.

[2487] I got up and went to the window. [2488] I could not keep still. [2489] I passed
my head between the curtains. [2490] Fine rain, lowering sky. [2491] He had not lied
to me. [2492] Likely to lift round about eight. [2493] Fine sunset, twilight, night.
[2494] Waning moon, rising towards midnight. [2495] I rang for Martha and lay down
again. [2496] We shall dine at home, I said. [2497] She looked at me in astonishment.
[2498] Did we not always dine at home? [2499] I had not yet told her we were leaving.

[2500] I would not tell her till the last moment, one foot in the stirrup as the
saying is. [2501] I did not who^lly trust her. [2502] I would call her at the last
moment and say, Martha, we're leaving, for one day, two days,
three days, a week, two weeks, God knows, goodbye. [2503] It was important to
leave her in the dark. [2504] Then why had I called her? [2505] She would have served
us dinner in any case, as she did every day. [2506] I had made the mistake of
putting myself in her place.

[2508] That was understandable. [2509] But to tell her
we would dine at home, what a blunder. [2510] For she knew it already, thought
she knew, did know. [2511] And as a result of this ^[⁁]useless reminder she would
sense that something was afoot and spy on us, in the hope of learning what
it was. [2512] First mistake. [2513] The second, first in time, was my not having
enjoined ^{my s}on to keep what I had told him to himself. [2514] Not that this
would have served any purpose. [2515] Nevertheless I should have insisted on it,