Digital Manuscript ProjectNot I / Pas moi

[0023]
... yes ... all the time the buzzing ... so-called! [place = margin right] [₰] ...
all that together ... imagine! ... whole body like
gone ...
[0024]
just the mouth ... lips ... cheeks ...
jaws ... never - ... what? ... tongue? ... yes
... lips ... cheeks ... jaws ... tongue ... never
still a second ... mouth on fire ... stream of words
[0024] ... in her ear ... practically in her ear ... not
catching the half ... not the quarter ... no idea
what she's saying ... imagine! ... no idea what
she's saying! ... and can't stop ... no stopping
it ... she who but a moment before ... [place = margin left] but a moment!
... she [place = margin left] [₰]
couldn't [place = margin right] could not make a sound ... no sound of any
[0024] kind ... now can't stop ... imagine! ... can't stop
the stream ...
[0025]
[place = margin left] and the whole brain begging ... some-
thing begging in the brain ... begging the mouth to
stop ... pause a moment ... if only for a moment
... and no response ... as if it hadn't heard ... or
couldn't ... couldn't pause a second ... like
[0025] maddened ... all that together ... straining to hear
... piece it together... and the brain ... raving away
on its own ... trying to make sense of it ... [place = margin right] or make
it stop ...
[0026] or in the past ... dragging up the past ...
flashes from all over ... walks mostly ... walking
all her days... day after day ... a few steps then
[0026] stop dead [place = margin left] [₰]
... stare into space [place = margin left] ... [place = margin left] then on ...
move on a few
more ... stop and stare again ... [place = margin left] so on ... drifting around
... day after day ... then [place = margin right] or that time she cried ...
the one time she could remember ... since she
was a baby ... must have cried as a baby ...
perhaps not ... not essential to life ... just the birth
[0026] cry to get her going ... breathing ... then no more
till this ... old hag already [place = margin left] ... sitting staring at her hand ... where was it? ...
Croker's Acres ... one evening on the way home ...
home! ... a little mound in Croker's Acres ...
dusk ... sitting staring at her hand ... there in her
lap ... palm upward ... suddenly saw it wet ... the
[0026] palm ... tears presumably ... hers presumably ...
no one else for miles ... no sound ... just the tears
... sat and watched them dry ... all over in a
second ...
[0027] or grabbing at the straw ... the brain ...
flickering away on its own ... quick grab and on ...
nothing there ... on to the next ... bad as the voice
[0027] ... worse ... as little sense ... all that together
... can't - ... what? ... the buzzing? ... yes ...
all the time the buzzing ... dull roar like falls ...
and the beam ... flickering on and off ... starting
to move around ... like moonbeam but not ... all
part of the same ... keep an eye on that too ...
corner of the ev [place = overwritten] ye ... all that together ... can't go
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Not I / Pas moi © 2022 Samuel Beckett Digital Manuscript Project.
Editors: James Little and Vincent Neyt