MS-UoR-1227-7-12-8

[0028] and the beam...ferreting around...painless...so far...ha!...so far...
[0029]then thinking...oh long after...sudden flash...perhaps something she had
to...had to...tell...could that be it?...something she had to tell...
tiny little thing...before its time^{...godforsaken hole[⁁]}...no love...spared that...speechless
all her days...practically speechless...how [d]^she survived!...that time
in court...what had she to say for herself...guilty or not guilty...

[0029]stand up woman...speak up woman...stood there staring into space...mouth
half open as usual...waiting to be led away...glad of the hand on her
arm...now this...something she had to tell...could that be it?...
something that would tell...how it was...how she-...what?...had been?...
yes...something that would tell ho[x]^w it had been...how she had lived...
lived on and on...guilty or not...on and on...to be sixty...something

[0029]she-...what?...seventy?...good God!...on and on to be seventy...
something she didn't know herself...wouldn't know if she heard...then
forgiven...God is love...tender mercies...new every morning...[0030]back in
the field...April morning...face in the grass ...nothing but the larks...
pick it up there...get on with it from there...a v^few more...what?...
not that?...nothing to do with that?...nothing she could tell?...^[...]

[0030] all right...nothing she could tell...try something else...
think of something else...oh long after!...sudden flash...not that either...
all right...something else again...so on...hit on it in the end...
think everything keep on long enough...[0031]then forgiven...back in the-...
what?...not that either?...nothing to do with that eir^ther?...nothing
she could think?...all right...nothing she could tell...nothing she

[0031]could think...nothing she-...what?...who?...no...SHE!...SHE!^[₰] ...(pause
and movement 4)...tiny little thinh^g...out before its time...godforsaken
hole...no love...spared that...speechless all her days...practically
speechless...even to herseld^f...never out loud...[0032]but not completely...
sometimes sudden urge...once ot^r twice a year...always winter some
strange reason...the long evenings...hours of darkness...sudden urge to...

[0032]to tell...then rush out stop the first she saw...[0033]nearest lavatory...start
pouring it out...steady stream...mad stuff...half the vowels wrong...
no one could follow...till she sw^aw the stare she was getting...then die
of shame...crawl back in...once or twiv^ce a year...always winter some
strange reason...long hours of darkness...now this...this...quicker
and quicker...the words...the brain...flickering away like mad...
quick grab and on...nothing there...on somewhere else...try somewhere else...

[0034] and all the time something begging...something in her begging...begging
it all to stop...unanswered...prayer unanswered...or unheard...too
faint...so on...keep on-^[₰] ...trying...not knowing what...what she was
trying...what to try...whole body like gone...just the mouth...like
maddened...so on...keep-...what?...the buzzing?...yes...all the time
the buzzing...dull roar like falls...in the skull...and the beam...
poking around...painless...so far...ha!...so far...all that...keep on...