MS-HRC-SB-4-3

[0938] I am going to do till then.

[0939] I have just written, I fear I must have fallen, etc. [0940] I
hope this is not too great a distortion of the truth. [0941] I now
add these few lines, before departing from myself again.
[0942] I do not depart frp^om myself now with the same avidity as a
week ago for example.

[0943] This ^{For this} must be going on now for over a
week, it must be over a week since I said, I shall soon be
quite dead at last, etc. [0944] Wrong again. [0945] That is not what I
said, I could swear to it, that is what I wrote. [0946] This last
phrase seems familiar, [0947] suddenly I seem to have written it
somewhere before, or spoken it, word for word.

[0948] Yes, I shall
soon be, etc., that is what I wrote when I realized I did not
know what I had said, at the beginning of my say, and sub-
sequently, and that consequently the plan I had formed, to
live, and cause to live, at last, to play at last and die
alive, was going the way of all my other plans. [0949] I think the
dawn was not so slow in coming as I had feared, [0950] I really do.

[0951] But I feared nothing, I fear nothing any more. [0952] High summer
is truly at hand. [0953] Towar Turned towards the window I saw the
pane shiver at last, before the ghastly sunrise. [0954] It is no
ordinary pane, it brings me sunset and it brings me sunrise.
[0955] The exercise-book had fallen to the ground.

[0956] I took a long time
to find it. [0957] It was under the bed. [0958] How are such things possible?
[0959] I took a long time to recover it. [0960] I had to harpoon it. [0961] It is
not pierced through and through, but it is in a bad way. [0962] It is
a thick exercise-book. [0963] I hope it will see me out. [0964] From now on