MS-HRC-SB-4-3

[0964] I shall write on both sides of the page. [0965] Where does it come from?
[0966] I don't know. [0967] I found it, just like that, the day I needed it.
[0968] Knowing perfectly well I had no exercise-book I rummaged in my
possessions in the hope of finding one. [0969] I was not disappointed,
not surprised. [0970] If to-morrow I needed an old love-letter I would
adopt the same method. [0971] It is ruled in suq squares. [0972] The first
pap^ges are covered with ciphers and other symbols and diagrams,
with here and there a brief phrase. [0973] Calculations I reckon.

[0974] They seem to stop suddenly, prematurely at all events. [0975] As though
discouraged. [0976] Perhaps it is astronomy, or astrology. [0977] I did not
look closely. [0978] I drew a line, no, I did not even draw a line, and
I wrote, Soon I shall be quite dead at last, and so on, without
even going on to the next page, which was blank. [0979] Good. [0980] Now I need
not dilate on this exercise-book when it comes to the inventory,
but merely say, Item, an exercise-book, giving perhaps the colour
of the cover.

[0981] But I may well lose it between now and then, for good
good and all. [0982] The pencil on the contrary is an old acquaintance, [0983] I
must have had it about me when I was brought here. [0984] It has five
faces. [0985] It is very short. It is pointed at both ends. [0986] A Venus.
[0987] I hope it will see me out. [0988] I was saying O^I did not depart from
myself now with quite the same alacrity.

[0989] That must be in the
natural order of things, all that pertains to me must be written
there, including my inability to grasp what order is meant. [0990] For
I have never seen any sign of ant^y, inside me or outside me.
[0991] I have pinned my faith to appearances, believing them to be
vain. [0992] I shall not go into the details. [0993] Choke, go down, come up,
choke, suppose, deny, affirm, drown. [0995] I depart from myself less