Samuel Beckett
Digital Manuscript Project
Malone meurt / Malone Dies

MS-TCD-4662

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Segment 1

[0569] And all alone, well hidden, I have
played the fool, all alone, for hours on
end, motionless, often standing, spell-
bound, groaning.
[0570] That's right, groan.
[0571] I was not able to play. [0572] I turned
till I was dizzy, clapped my hands, ran,
shouted, saw myself losing, saw myself
winning, rejoicing, lamenting.

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Segment 2

[0573] Then
suddenly I threw myself on the
playthings, if there were any, to destroy
them, or on a child, to change his joy
to howling, or I fled, I ran away and
hid.

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Segment 3

[0574] The grown-ups
pursued me, the just, caught me, beat me,
made me go back into the round, the game,
the jollity.
[0575] I was already in the toils
of earnestness.
[0576] That has been my disease.
[0577] I was born grave as others syphylitic.

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Segment 4

[0578] And gravely I live to be grave no more,
to live, to invent, I know what I mean.

[0579] But at each fresh attempt I lost my
head, fled to my shadows as to sanctuary,
to his lap who can neither
life nor suffer the
sight of others living.
[0580] Life. [0581] I speak of
living without knowing what it means.

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Segment 5

[0582] I tried to without knowing what I
was trying.
[0583] Perhaps I have lived after all,
without knowing it.
[0584] I wonder why I speak
of all this.
[0585] Ah yes, to relieve the tedium.
[0586] Live and cause to live. [0587] There is no use now indicting words.

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Segment 6

[0588] They are no more hollow than what
they peddle.
[0589] And the failure, the solace, the
repose, I began again, to
try and live, cause to live, be another
in myself, in others.
[0590] How false all
this is.

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Segment 7

[0591] I never met a fellow being.
[0592] I have no time to explain. [0593] I began
again.
[0594] But little by little with a different
end in view.
[0595] I no longer wish to succeed,
I wished fail.
[0596] Nuance. [0597] What I sought, when I
struggled out of my hole, then in the stinging

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Doodle 3
Categories:
Shape, Rectangle, Hatching
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Doodle 4
Transcription
  • Segments
  • Doodles