Digital Manuscript ProjectNot I / Pas moi

[0017]
... realized ... words were coming ... imagine! ... words were
coming![₰] ... a voice she did not recognize ... at
first ... so long since it had sounded
[0018]
... then finally
had to admit ... could be none other ... than her
own ... certain vowel sounds ... she had never
heard ... elsewhere ... so that people would stare
[0018] ... the rare occasions ... once or twice a year ...
always winter some strange reason ... stare at her
uncomprehending ... and now this stream ...
steady stream ... she who had never ... on the
contrary ... practically speechless ... all her
days ... how she survived!
[0019]
... even shopping ...[⁁] out shopping ...
[0019] busy shopping centre ... supermart ... just handed[₰]
in the list ... with the bag ... old black shopping
bag ... then stood stand there waiting ... any length of
time ... middle of the throng ... motionless ...
staring into space ... mouth half open as usual ...
till it was back in her hand ... the bag back in her
[0019] hand ... then pay and go ... not as much as goodbye
... how she survived! ... and now this stream ...
not catching the half of it ... not the quarter ... no
idea ... what she was saying ... imagine! ... no
idea what she was saying!! ...
[0020]
till she began trying
to ... delude herself ... it was not hers at all ...
[0020]
not her voice at all ... and would have no doubt ...
vital she should ... was on the point ... after long
efforts ... [0021]
when suddenly she felt ... gradually theshe
felt ... her lips moving ... imagine! ... her lips
moving!! ... as of course till then she had not ...
and not alone the lips ... the cheeks ... the jaws
[0021]
... the whole face ... all those - ... what? ...
the tongue? ... yes ... the tongue in the mouth
... all those contortions without which ... no speech
possible ... and yet ...[₰] in the ordinary way ... not
felt at all ... so intent one is ... on what one is
saying ... the whole being ... hanging on its words
[0021]
... so that not only she had ... had she ... not only
had she ... to give up ... admit hers alone ... her
voice alone
[0022] ... but this other awful thought ... oh long after ... sudden
flash ... oh long after! ...[₰] even more awful if
possible ... that feeling was coming back ... imagine! ... feeling
was[₰] coming back! ... starting at the top ... then
[0022]
working down ... the whole machine ... but no ...
spared that ... the mouth alone ... so far ... ha!
... so far ... then thinking ... oh long after![₰] ...
sudden flash ... it can't go on ... all this ... all
that ... steady stream ... straining to hear ... make
something of it ... and her own thoughts ... make
something of them ... all - ... Wwhat? ... the buzzing?
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Not I / Pas moi © 2022 Samuel Beckett Digital Manuscript Project.
Editors: James Little and Vincent Neyt