MS-UoR-1227-7-12-5

[0026] Croker's ^acr'es meadows..^{failing light..}sitting staring at her hand..lying
in her lap..palm upward..suddenly saw it wet..the palm..
tears presumably..hers presumably..no one else for miles..
no sound..just the tears..sat and watched them dry..all
over in a second..

[0027]or snatching at straws..the brain..one
grab and on.. brain..flickering away on its own..one grab
and on..on to the next..bad as the voice..worse..as little
sense..all that together..can't - ..what?..the buzzing?..
yes..all the time lik the buzzing..dull roar like falls..
and the ray..flickering on and off..starting to move around
..like moonbeam but ov^bviously not..all part of the same..
keep an eye on that too..corner of the eye..can't go on..^{it can't go on..}
God is love..sh'ell ^she'll be purged..

[0028] back in the field..the ^morning sun..
April..sink face down in the grass..nothing but the larks..
so on..snatching at the straw..straining to hear..the odd
word..make some sense of it..whole body like gone..only
the mouth..gone mad..no stopping it..something she - ..
what?..who?..what?..no..no!..she!..(pause and movement 3)..
something she had to - ..what?..the buzzing?..yes..all the
time the buzzing..dull roar..in the skull..and the ray..
ferreting around..no pain there..so far..ha!..so far ^{painless..so far..ha!..so far}..

[0029] then
thinking..another thought..oh long after!..sudden flash..
perhaps something she had to..had to..tell..could that be
it?..tiny little thing..before its time..^godforsaken hole in the bog..
never any love..spared that..speechless all her days..prac-
tically speechless...^how she survived!..that time in court..
what had she to say for herself..guilty or not guilty..
speak up woman..stood there staring at nothing..mouth half

[0029] open as usual...waiting to be led away..glad of the hand
on her arm..now this..something she had to tell ..could
that be it?..somthing that would say ^tell..how it was..could
that - ..what?..had been?..yes..something that would say ^tell..
how it had been..how she survived..lived on and on..guilty
or not..to be sixty..something she - ..what?..seventy?..
my ^good God§^!..lived on and on..to be seventy..something she
didn't know herself..wouldn't know if she heard..then
forgiven..merciful God..tender mercies..new every morning..

[0030]back in the field..could that be it?..bound to in the end..
out with it in the end..say everything go on long enough..
then back in the field..April morning..face buried in the
grass..nothing but the larks..pick it up there..get on with
it from there..another few - ..what?..not that?..nothing
to do with that?..nothing she could tell?..all right..
think of something else..oh long after..sudden flash..not
that either..all right..something else again..so on..hit
on it in the end..think everything go on long enough..

[0031]then
back in the - ..what?..not that either?..nothing to do
with that?..nothing she could think^?..all right..nothing she
could tell..nothing she - ..what?..who?..what?..no..no!..
she!..(pause and movement 4)..tiny little thing..before its
its time..^godforsaken hole in the bog..parents unknown..no love..spared
that..speechless all her days..practically speechless..
even to herself..never aloud..[0032]but not completely..sometimes
sudden urge..once or twice a year..always winter for some