MS-UoR-1227-7-12-6

[0029] little thing..before its time..godforsaken hole..never any ^no
love..spared that..speechless all her days..practi^cally
speechless..how she survived!..that time in court ^{the dock}..what had
she to say for herself..guilty or not guilty^{..stand up woman}..speak up
woman..stood there staring into space..mouth half open as
usual..waiting to be led away..glad of the hand on her arm..

[0029] now this..something she had to tell..could that n^be it?..
something that would tell..how it was..could that ^{how she} - ..what?
..had been?..yes..something that would tell^..how it had been..
how she ^had lived..lived on and on..guilty or not ..to be sixty..
something she - ..what? ..seventy?..good God!..lived on and
on to be seventy..something she didn't know herself..wouldn't
know if she heard..then forgiven..merciful God [⁁]^{is love}..tender mercies
..new every morning..

[0030]back in the field..April morning..face
buried in the grass..nothing but the larks..pick it up there..
get on with it from there..another few - ..what? ..not that?..
nothing to do with that?..nothing she could tell?..all right^{..
nothing she could tell..try something else..}..think of something else..oh long after!..sudden flash..
not that either..all right..something else again..so on..
hit on it in the end..think everything go ^keep on long enough..
[0031]then ^forgiven..

[0031] back in the - ..what? ..not that either?..nothing to
do with that? ^either..nothing she could think?..all right..nothing
she could tell..nothing she ^{could think..nothing she -} - ..what? ..who?..what?..no..no!..
^..she she!.. (pause and movement 4)..tiny little thing^{..out into that}..before its
time..godforsaken hole..no love..spared that..speechless all
her days..practically speechless..even to herself..never ^out
aloud..

[0032]but no^t completely..sometimes sudden urge..once or
twice a year..always winter some strange reason..the long
evenings..hours of darkness..sudden urge to..to tell..then
rush out ⁽and⁾ stop the first she saw..

[0033]nearest lavatory..start
pouring it out..steady stream..mad stuff..half the vowels
round ^wrong..no one could follow..till she saw the stare she was
getting..then die of shame..crawl back in..once or twice a
year..always winter some strange reason..long hours of dark-
ness..now this..this..quicker and quicker..the words..the
brain..flickering away like mad..quick grab and on..nothing
there..on somewhere else..try somewhere else..

[0034] all the time
something [stet] begging..something in her begging..some part of
the brain..begging it all to stop..unanswered..prayer ^beg un-
answered..or unheard..too faint..so on..keep on^...trying..
not knowing what..what she was trying..what to try..whole

[0034] body like gone..just the face ^mouth..^{like maddened..so on..}keep o,ⁿ - ..what? ..the buz-
zing?..yes..all the time the buzzing.. ^{dull dull} roar^..like falls..in
the skull..and the beam..poking around..painless..so far..
ha!..so far^{..all that}..keep o,ⁿ trying..not knowing what..what xhxxt
she [⁁] ^was - ..what? ..who?..what?..no ..no!^..she..S^she!.. (pause)^{not knowing what....what she was trying..what to try..}..no
matter..so on[0035]..hit on it in the end..God is love..back in the
field..face in the grass..April morning..nothing but the
larks..pick it up