Digital Manuscript ProjectNot I / Pas moi

[0023] all that...steady stream...straining to hear...make something of it...
and her own thoughts...make something of them...all-...what?...the
buzzing?...yes...all the time the buzzing...so-called!...all that
together...imagine!...whole body like gone...[0024]just the mouth...lips...
cheeks...jaws...never still-...what?...tongue?...yes...lips...cheeks...
jaws...tongue...never still a second...mouth on fire...stream of words
[0024]....in her ear...practically in her ear...not catching the half...not
the quarter..no idea...what she's saying...imagine!...no idea what
she's saying!...and can't stop...no stopping it...she who but a
moment before...but a moment!...could not make a sound...no sound
of any kind...no [place = margin left] w can't stop...o [place = overwritten] imagine!...can't stop the stream...
[0025]and the whole brain begging...something begging in the brain...begging
[0025]the mouth to stop...pause a moment...if only for a moment...and no
response...as if it hadn't heard...or couldn't...couldn't pause a
second...like maddened...all that together...straining to hear...
piece it together...and the brain...raving away on its own...trying
to make sense of it...or make it stop...[0026]or ij [place = overwritten] n the past...dragging up
the past...flashes from all over...walks mostly...walking all her days
[0026]...day after day...a few steps then stop...stare into space...then on...
a few more...stop and stare again...so on...drifting around...day after
day...or that time she cried...the one time she could remember...since
she was a baby...must have cried as a baby...perhaps not...not essential
to life ...just the birth cry to get her going...breathing...
then no more till this...old hag already...sitting staring at her hand
[0026]...where was it?...Croker's Acres...one evening on the way home...
home!...a little mound in Croker's Acres...dusk...sitting staring at her
hand...there in her lap...palm upward...suddenly saw it wet...the palm...
tears presumably...hers presumably...no one else for miles...no sound...
just the tears...sat and way [place = overwritten] tched them dry...all over in a second ...
[0027]or grabbing at the straw...the brain...flickering away on its own...
quick grab and on...nothing there...on to the next [place = margin left] ...so on...bad as the voice...
worse...as little sense...all that together...can't-...what?...the
[0027]buzzing?...yes...all the time the buzzing...dull roar like falls...
and the beam...flickering on and off...starting to move around...like
moonbeam but not...all part of the same...keep an eye on that too...
corner of the eye...z [place = overwritten] all that toghether...can't go on...God is love...
she'll be purged...[0028]back in the field...morning sun...April...sink face
down in the grass...nothing but the larks...so on...grabbing at the
[0028]straw...straining to hear...the odd word...make some ssense of it...
whole body like gone...just the mouth...like maddened...and can't stop
...no stopping it...something she had to...what?...who?...no...SHE!...SHE! [place = margin left] [₰] ...(pause and movement 3)...something she had to-...what?...the
buzzing?...yes...all the time the buzzing...dull roar...in the skull...
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Editors: James Little and Vincent Neyt