MS-HRC-SB-5-9-2

[1404] going to throw up.[1405] Then I'd know,[1406] and
with my latest breath be born at last,
or to the sound of one of those hiccups
which mar alas too often the solemnity
of death.

[1407] When Mahood I once knew a
doctor who held that the last gasp,
from the strictly scientific point of view,
could only issue from the fundament
and this the orifice to which the family
should present the mirror, before opening
the will.

[1408] However this may be, and without
going any further into these macabre
details, it is [sure that] ^certain I was grievously
mistaken in supposing that death in itself
could be regarded as evidence, or even a
strong presumption, in favour of a
preliminary life.

[1409] And I for my part have
no longer the least desire to leave this world
where they keep trying in which they keep
trying to drag me [with] the without some
kind of assurance that I was there, such
as for example a kick in the arse, or a
kiss, the nature of the attention is of no
importance, providing I cannot be
suspected of being its author.

[1410] No, not
the least desire, for I know it serves no
purpose, changes nothing, puts an end to nothing.
[1411] But let two third parties remark me, in all
objectivity, there, before my eyes, and I'll
take ^care of the rest.

[1412] How all becomes clear and
simple when one opens an eye on the within,
on condition naturally having of course first
exposed it to the without, in order to
benefit by the contrast.[1413] I should be sorry,
though exhausted, to abandon this fertile
[vein] rich vein.

[1414] For I shall not come back
to it in a hurry, ah no.[1415] But enough of this
cursed first person, it [has] ^is really [xxx been]
[going on too] too much of a good thing,
[xxx] such a red herring so red a herring,
I'll get into trouble if I'm not careful
out of my depth if I'm not careful.

[1416] But
what is the subject? Mahood? No, not
yet.[1417] Worm? Even less.[1418] Bah, any old
pronoun will do, provided one sees through it.
[1419] Matter of habit.[1420] To be adjusted later.
[1421] Where was I?

[1422] Ah yes, the [bliss feeling] ^{the [streams]} of
bliss, when all is clear and simple.[1423] The next
thing is [to conn] somehow to connect this with the
unfortunate Madeleine, who shows me such
kindness and her great goodness.

[1424] Such
[attentiveness] attentiveness, the pertinacity
with which she continues to acknowledge me,
do not these sufficiently attest my real presence
at this [shop], in the Rue Brancion, never
heard of in my island home.[1425] Would she rid me
of my wretched excrements every Sunday, would