Digital Manuscript ProjectNot I / Pas moi

[0007]
who? ... what? ... no ... no! ... SHE! ...
(pause and movement 1) ... found herself in the
dark ... [0008]
and if not exactly ... insentient ... in-
sentient ... for she could still hear the buzzing
... so-called! ... in the ears ... and a ray of
light came and went ... came and went ... such
as the moon might cast ... drifting ... in and out
[0008]
of cloud ... but so dulled ... feeling ... feeling
so dulled ... she did not know ... what position
she was in! ... imagine! ... what position she was
in! .. whether standing ... or sitting ... but the
brain - what? ... kneeling? ... yes ... whether
standing ... or sitting ... or kneeling ... but the
brain - ... what? ... lying? ... yes ... whether
[0008]
standing ... or sitting ... or kneeling ... or lying
[0009]
... but the brain still ... still ... in a way ... for
her first thought was ... oh long after! ... sudden
flash ... brought up as she had been to believe ...
with the other waifs ... in a merciful ... (brief
laugh) ... God ... (good laugh) ... [0010] first thought
was ... oh long after ... she was being punished
[0010]
... for her sins ... a number of which then ...
further proof if proof were needed ... flashed through
her mind ... one after another ...
[0011]
then dismissed as
foolish ... oh long after! ... this thought dismissed
... as she suddenly realized ... gradually realized
... she was not suffering. imagine! ... not suffering!
... indeed could not remember ... off-hand ... when
[0011]
she had suffered less ... unless of course she was
...
meant to be suffering ... ha! ... thought to be
suffering ... just as the odd time ... in her life ...
when clearly intended to be having pleasure ... she
was in fact ... having none ... not the slightest ...
in which case of course ... that notion of punishment
... for some sin or other ... or for the lot ... or no
[0011]
particular reason ... for its own sake ... thing
she understood perfectly ... that notion of punish-
ment ... which had first occurred to her ... brought
up as she had been to believe ... with the other waifs
... in a merciful ... (brief laugh) ... God ...
(good laugh) ... first occurred to her ... then dis-
missed ... as foolish ... was perhaps not so foolish
- Segments
Not I / Pas moi © 2022 Samuel Beckett Digital Manuscript Project.
Editors: James Little and Vincent Neyt