MS-UoR-1227-7-12-7

[0021] contortions without which..no speech possible..and yet in
the ordinary way..not felt at all..so intent one is..on
what one is saying..the whole being..hanging on its words..
so that not only she had..had she..not only had she to give
up..admit hers alone..her voice alone

[0022]..but this other waful
awful thought..oh long after..sudden flash..even more awful
if possible..that feeling was coming back..imagine!..feeling
coming back!..starting at the top..then working down..the
whole machine..but no..spared that..the mouth alone..so far..
ha!..so far..

[0023]then thinking..oh long after..sudden flash..
it can't go on..all this..all that^{..steady stream}..straining to hear..make
something of it..and her own thoughts..make something of
them..all - ^p ..What?..the buzzing?..yes..all the time the
buzzing..so-called..all that together..imagine..whole body
like gone..

[0024]just the mouth..lips..cheeks..jaws..never - ^p ..
what?..tongue?..yes..lips..cheeks..jaws..tongue..never still
a second..mouth on fire..stream of words..in her ear..
practically in her ear..not catching the half..not the
quarter..no idea..what she's saying..imagine!..no idea
what she's saying!..and can't stop..no stopping it..she
who but a moment before..but a moment§.. moment!..couldn't
make a sound..no sound of any kind..now can't stop..imagine!
..can't stop the stream..

[0025] and the whole brain begging..some-
thing begging in the brain..begging the mouth to stop..to
pause a moment..if only for a moment..and no response..as
if it hadn't heard..or couldn't..couldn't pause a second..
like maddened..all that together..straining to hear..piece
it together..and the brain..raving away on its own..trying
to make sense of it..make it stop..

[0026] or in the past..dragging
up the past..flashes from all over..walks mostly..walking
all her days..day after day..a few steps and stop..stare
into space..then on..a few more..stop and stare again..so
on..drifting around..day after day..or that time she cried..
the one time she could remember..since she was a baby..must
have cried as a baby..perhaps not..not essential to life..

[0026] just the birth cry tp^o get her going..breathing..themⁿ no
more till this..old hag already^{..sitting staring at her hand}..where was it ?..Croker's
Acres..one evening on her way home..home!..a little mound
in Croker's Acres..dusk..sitting staring at her hand..there
in her laps..palm upward..suddenly saw it wet..the palm..
tears presumably..hers presumably..no one else for miles..
no sound..just the tears..sat and watched them dry..all
over in a second..

[0027]or grabbing at the straw..the brain..
flickering away on its own..quick grab and on..nothing
there..on to the next^{..so on}..bad as the voice..worse..all that
together..can't - ^p ..what?..the buzzing?..t^yes..all the time
the buzzing..dull roar like falls..and the beam..flickering