
[2095] It was too late for mass.
[2096] I did not need to consult my watch to
know, I could feel mass had begun without me.
[2097] I who never missed mass, to
have missed it on that Sunday of all Sundays!
[2098] When I so needed it!
[2099] To
buck me up!
[2100] I decided to ask for a private communion, in the course of
the afternoon.
[2101] I would go without lunch.
[2102] Father Ambrose was always very
kind and accommodating.
[2103] I called Jacques.
[2104] Without result.
[2105] I said, Seeing me still in
conference he has gone to mass alone.
[2106] This explanation turned out
subsequently to be the correct one.
[2107] But I added, He might have come and
seen me, before leaving.
[2108] I liked thinking in monologue and then my lips
moved visibly.
[2109] But no doubt he was afraid of disturbing me and of being
reprimanded.
[2110] For I was sometimes inclined to go too far when I reprimand-
-ed my son, who was consequently a little afraid of me.
[2111] I myself had
never been sufficiently chastened.
[2112] Oh I had not [⁁]been spoiled either, [₰]
merely neglected.
[2113] Whence bad habits ingrained beyond remedy and of which
even the most meticulous piety has never been able to break me.
[2114] I hoped
to spare my son this misfortune, by giving him a good clout from time to
time, together with my reasons for doing so.
[2115] Then I said, Is he barefaced
enough to tell me, on his return, that he has been to mass if he has not,
[₰], if for example he has merely run off to join his little friends,
behind the slaughter-house?
[2116] And I determined to get the truth out of
Father Ambrose, on this subject.
[2117] For it was imperative my son should not
imagine he was capable of lying to me with impunity.
[2118] And if Father
Ambrose could not enlighten me, I would apply to the verger, [⁁]whose vigilance it
was inconceivable that the presence of my son at twelve o'clock mass had
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Molloy © 2016 Samuel Beckett Digital Manuscript Project.
Editors: Magessa O'Reilly, Dirk Van Hulle, Pim Verhulst and Vincent Neyt