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[1937] [p. 35r] job, their thoughts are elsewhere, xxx human rats, as they call on Jude, it's prayers they're at, the pray for Worm, they pray to Worm, to have pity, pity on them, pity on Worm, they call that pity, xxx merciful God, the things one has to put up with, fortunately it's all Greek to him. it all means nothing to him. [1938] Currish darkness ^obscurity, to heel, down, hound! ^{Currish obscurity, to thy kennel, hound!} [1939] Grey. [1940] What else? [1941] Calm, calm, there must be something else, to go with this grey, which goes with everything. [1942] There must be something ^{something of} everything here, as in all worlds, something of everything ^{a little} a little of everything. [1943] Very little, it seems. [1944] Not the point in any case. [1945] What is this balls going on, in fro balls balls is going on, in front of this impotent crystalline, that's all that needs to be imagined. [1946] A face, how encouraging that would be, if it could be a face, every now and then, always the same, methodically varying its expressions, demonstrating in a systematic manner what a true face can do, without ever ceasing to be recognizable, passing from unmixed joy to the sullen fixity of marble, via the most characteristic shades of disenchantment, how pleasant that would be. [1947] Worth ten of Saint-Anthony's pig's arse. [1948] Passing by at the right distance, the right height, say once a month, that's not exorbitant, slowly, full face and profile, like xxx criminals. [1949] It might even stop, open its mouth, stutter, howl, ^rejoice, raise its eyebrows, well well! stutter, howl, groan stutter, mutter, howl, groan and finally shut up, the jaws ^chaps clenched to breaking ^cracking point, or xxxing fallen, to let the dribble out. [1950] That would be xxx nice. [1952] A presence at last. [1953] A visitor, faithful, with his visiting-day, visiting-hour, xxx never staying too long, it would be wearisome, or too little, it wouldn't be enough, but just the necessary time for hope to be lepping be born, grow, languish and die, say five minutes. [1954] And in Worm's creaking noddle The notion of time xxx that begins to xxx ^dawn on Worm's defenceless head, confused by this punctual debris of the everlasting xxx, and who could blame him? And the notion of time might begin to dawn on his darkness dawn on his darkness, at this punctual reminder of the countenance everlasting, and who [1954] ^{And who could blame it him, at this punctual reminder of the countenance everlasting, if the notion of time began to dawn on his darkness.}

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[1954] [p. 36r] And who could blame him, at this punctual reminder of the countenance everlasting, if the notion of time began to dawn on his darkness. ^{And even if should the notion of time at this punctual xxx begin to dawn on his darkness, at this punctual reminder of the countenance everlasting, who could blame him?} [1955] Involving very properly that of space, they go arm in arm, for some time now, in certain quarters, it's safer. [1956] And the game would be won, lost ^won and lost, he would ^he'd be among in our midst, among us, among the x rendez-vous, x no knowing how, and people would say, Look at old Worm waiting for his sweetheart, and the flowers, ^{look at the flowers,} you'd think he was asleep, you must know him, know old Worm don't you, waiting for his love, and the daisies, ^{look at the daisies,} you'd think he was dead. [1957] That would be worth seeing. [1958] Fortunately it's only a dream. [1959] For here there is no face, nor anything resembling one, nothing to reflect the that reflects the joy of living and succedanea, nothing for it but to try something else. [1960] Some simple thing, a box, a piece of wood, to come to rest before him, for an instant, once a year, once every two years, a ball, gravitating ^{xxx revolving} xxx xxx one knows not how, nor about ^round what, about ^round him, a big ball stone, x to pass before him, every two years, every three years, not important frequency unimportant in the early stages, without stopping, it needn't stop, it would be better than nothing, he'd hear it approaching, hear it receding, it would be an event, he might learn to count, the minutes, the hours, to worry, pull himself together, xxx have patience, lose patience, turn his head, prick up his eye, roll his eye, a big stone, and faithful, it would be better than nothing, pending the xxx hearts of flesh. [1961] And even should his heart start off, on his its waltz, in his ear, pom pom tra la la, again, pom pom tra la la, D E D C bang bang ^{tra la tra lay pom pom, again, tra la tra tralatraylay} tralatralay pom pom, again, tralatralay pom pom, do re re mi re do bang bang, who could accuse him? [1963] Unfortunately one must keep to the facts, for what else is there, to keep to, to cleave to, when all capsizes, but the facts, when there are any, above the surface, xxx ^within heart's reach, happy expression that, within reach of the heart, happy expression that, of the heart crying out, The facts are there, the facts are there, and then more calmly, the danger past when the danger is past, momentarily, the continuation, namely, in the case before us, There is no wood here, no

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[1963] [p. 37r] stone, or if there is, the facts are there, if there is, it's as if there wasn't, the facts are there, no vegetables, no minerals, only Worm, kingdom undetermined ^unknown, Worm is there, as it were, as it were. [1964] But not so fast, it's too soon, to return, to where I am, empty-handed, in triumph, to where I'm waiting, calm, passably calm, knowing, thinking I know, that nothing has happened to me, nothing will happen to me, good or bad, nothing good, nothing bad, nothing of a nature to undo undo me, it would be premature. [1965] I see me, I see my place, nothing there is nothing to show it, nothing to distinguish it, from the other places, they are mine, all mine, if I wish, I wish for none but mine, there is nothing to mark it, I am there so little, I see it, I feel it round me, it cleaves to me, it covers me, if only this voice ^could stop, for a second, it would seem long to me, a second of silence. [1966] I'd listen, I'd know if it was going to begin again, or if it was stilled for ever, what would I know it with, I'd know. [1967] And I'd keep listening, to try and advance in their good graces, keep my place in their favour, in ord and be ready, when they judged fit to take me in hand again, or I'd stop listening, I'd stop listening, is it possible that one day I'll stop listening, without having to fear the worst, namely, I don't know, what can be worse, a woman's voice perhaps, I hadn't thought of that, they might engage a soprano. [1968] But let us leave these dreams and try again, if only I knew what they wanted, they want me to be Worm, but I was, I was, what's wrong, I was, but ill, that must it must be that, it can only be that, what else can it be, but that, I didn't report in the light, the light of day, in their midst, to hear them say, Didn't we tell you you were alive? [1969] I ^have endured, that must be it, I shouldn't have endured, but I feel nothing, yes yes, this voice, I have endured it, I didn't fly from it, I should have fled from it, Worm should have fled, but where, how, he's riveted, Worm should dragged himself away, no matter where, towards them, towards the azure, but how could he, he can't stir, it isn't necessarily bonds needn't be bonds, there are no bonds here, it's as if I were rooted, bonds in a way if you like, the earth would have to quake,

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[1969] [p. 38r] it isn't earth, one doesn't know what it is, it's like, it's sargasso, no, it's like molasses, no, no matter, an eruption is what's needed, to vomit him into the light. [1970] But what quiet ^calm, apart from the discourse, not a breath, it's suspicious, the calm that precedes life, no no, not all this time, it's like slime, paradise, it would be paradise, but for this noise, it's try life trying to get in, no, trying to get him out, or little bubbles bursting, all about, no, there's no air here, air is to suffo make you choke, light is to close your eyes, that's where he must go, where it's never dark, but here it's never dark either, yes yes, here it's dark, this grey it's they who make this grey, with their lamps. [1971] When they go, when they go silent, it will be dark, not a sound, not a gleam, but they'll never go, yes, they'll go silent perhaps, and go away, one day, one evening, slowly, sadly, in Indian file, casting long shadows, towards their master, who will punish them, or spare them, there's nothing else, up above, for those who lose, punishment, pardon, so they say. [1972] What have you done with your material? [1973] We have left it behind. [1974] But commanded to say ^whether yes or no wheth they have closed filled up the holes, have you filled up the holes yes or no, they'll say yes and no, or some will say yes, the others no, at the same time, for they don't know the master wants to hear what answer the master wants, to his question. [1975] But both are defendable, both answers, for they did xxx fill up the holes, if you like, but if you don't like they didn't, for they didn't know what to do, on departing, whether to fill up the holes or, on the contrary, leave them gaping wide. [1976] So they fixed their lamps, their long lamps, in the holes, to prevent them closing by themselves, it's like potter's clay, their powerful lamps, lit xx lit and trained on the within, to make him think they are still there, in spi notwithstanding the silence, or to make him think the grey is true, or to make sure he goes will go on suffering, for he doesn't suffer only from the noise, he suffers from the grey too, from the light, he must, it's preferable, or to enable them to come back, if the master the master commands them to, without his xxx knowing they have gone, as if he could

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[1976] [p. 39r] know, and for no other reason than their ignorance of what to do, whether to fill up the holes or let them fill up by themselves, it's like shit, there we are at last, there it is at last, the right word, one has only to search, and ^{only to} search in vain, to find in the end, it's a question of elimination. [1977] Enough about holes. [1978] The grey means nothing, the grey silence is not necessarily a temporary ^{mere lull} xxx, it may be final, or it may not. [1979] But the lamps unattended will not burn for ever, xxx on the contrary, they will go out, little by little, without attendants to charge them anew, and go silent, in the end. [1980] Then it will be dark. [1981] But as with it is with the dark as with the grey, the dark proves nothing either, as to the value of the silence which it thickens so to say speak. [1982] For they may come back, xxx long after the lights are extinguished, having argued for years before the master, without succeeding in convincing him there is nothing to be done, with Worm, for Worm. [1983] Then all will start over again, obviously. [1984] So that it will never be known, Worm will never know, let the silence be black, or let it be grey, it will never be possible to know, as long as it lasts, whether it is final, or whether it is merely a temporary xxxing a mere lull, and what a lull, where he when he must listen, strain his ears for the murmurs of past silences, hold himself ready for the next instalment, under pain of supplementary thunderbolts. [1985] But Worm must not be confused with another. [1986] Though this has no xxx, as it happens. [1987] For he has once had to listen will listen always, whether he knows he will never hear anything again, or whether he does not. [1988] In other words, they like other words, no doubt about that, it gai it's a way of gaining time, silence once broken will never again be whole. [1989] Is there then no hope? [1990] Good gracious no, heavens, what an idea! [1991] A faint one, perhaps, but which will never serve. [1992] But one forgets. [1993] Or if there is only one he depart all alone, towards his master, and his long shadow will follow him, across the desert, it's a desert, that's news, Worm will see the light in the desert, the desert light, the day they catch him, it's the same as everywhere else, they say not, they say it is purer, clearer,