MS-HRC-SB-4-3

[1929] it really exists. [1930] I did well to stop my inventory, it was a
happy thought. [1931] I feel less weak, perhaps they fed me while I
slept. [1932] I see the pot, the one that is not full, it is lost to
me too. [1933] I shall doubtless be obliged to forget myself in the
bed, as when I was a baby. [1934] At least I shall not be scolded. [1935] But
enough about me. [1936] You would think I was relieved to be without my
stick. [1937] I think I know how I might retrieve ^it. [1938] But something occurs
to me. [1939] Are they depriving me of soup on purpose to help me die?

[1940] One judges people too hastily. [1941] But in that case why feed me during
my sleep? [1942] But there is no proof they have. [1943] But if they wished to
help me would it not be more intelligent to give me poisoned soup,
large quantities of poisoned soup? [1944] Perhaps they fear an autopsy.
[1945] It is obvious they see a long way ahead. [1946] That remains^inds me that I
once had among my possessions I once had a little phial, unlabelled,
containing pills. [1947] Laxatives? [1948] Sedatives? [1949] I forget.

[1950] To turn to them
for for^[₰] calm and merely obtain a diarrhoea, my, that would be
annoying. [1951] In any case the question does not arise. [1952] I am calm, in-
sufficiently, I still lack a little calm. [1953] But enough about me.
[1954] I'll see if there is anything in my little idea, I mean how to
retrieve my stick. [1955] The fact is I must be very weak.

[1956] If there is,
anything in it I mean, I shall try and get myself out of the bed,
for a start. [1957] If not I do not know what I shall do. [1958] Go and see how
Macmann is getting on perhaps. [1959] I have always that resource. [1960] Why
this ^[//]need of activity. [1961] I am growing nervous.

[1962] One day, much later, to judge by his appearance, Macmann came