MS-WU-MSS008-3-49

[1314] came to rest against my side. [1315] At last I began to think, that is to say
to listen harder. [1316] Little chance of my being found there, I was in peace
for as long as I could endure peace. [1317] For the space of an instant I
imagined envisaged settling down there, making it my lair and sanctuary,
for the space of an instant. [1318] I took the vegetable knife from my pocket
and set about opening my wrist. [1319] But pain soon got the better of me.

[1320] First I cried out, then I gave up, closed the khⁿife and put it back in
my pocket. [1321] I wasn't particularly disappointed, in my heart of hearts
I hadn't hoped for anything else. [1322] And that was that. [1323] And backsliding
has always depressed me, but life seems made up of back sliding, and
death itself must be a kind of backsliding, I wouldn't be surprised.
[1324] Did I mention the wind? Did I say it had fallen? [1325] A fine rain falling,
somehow that seems to exclude all idea of wind.

[1326] My knees are enormous,
I had just seen them, when I got up for a second. [1327] My two legs are stiff
as a life-sentence and yet I sometimes get up. [1328] What can you expect.
[1329] So from time to time I shall recall my present existence compared to
which this is a nursery tale. [1330] But only from time to time, so that it
may be said, when the time comes, Is it possible that thing is still
alive?

[1331] Or again, Oh it's only a diary, it'll soon be over. [1332] That my
knees are enormous, that I still get up from time to time, these are
things that do not seem at first sight to signify anything in particular.
[1333] I record them all the more willingly. [1334] In the end I left the impasse,
where half-standing half-lying I may have had a little sleep, my little
morning sleep, and I set off, believe it or not, towards the sun, why
not, the wind having fallen.

[1335] Or rather towards the least gloomy quarter
of the heavens which a vast cloud was shrouding from the zenith to the
skylines. [1336] It was from this cloud the above rain was falling. [1337] See how
all things hang together. [1338] And as to making up my mind which quarter
of the heavens was the least gloomy, it was no easy matter. [1339] For at