MS-UoR-1227-7-12-2

[0004] ...birth...into this world...this world...of a tiny little thing...five pounds...in a godfor-...what?...girl?...tiny little girl...into this...in a godforsaken hole...in the bog...named -...what?...the downs?...godforsaken hole in the downs?...no...no!...the bog...godforsaken hole in the bog...named...named...forgotten...[0005]to parents unknown...he having vanished... vanished into...thin air...no sooner done his...devilish work?? work...and she similarly...nine months later...almost to the minute...[0006]so no love...such as normally showered on the...speechless infant...in the home...no...nor indeed [⁁] ^{[place = margin left] for that matter} any of any kind...at any subsequent...time ^{[place = supralinear] stage}...so usual affair...nothing worthy of note [0007] till...coming up to sixty when...what?...sixty-five?...coming up to sixty-five...walking in a field...searching ^{[place = margin left] aimlessly} for cowslips...to make a ball...when suddenly all went out...all that early April morning light...and she found herself in the -...what?...I?...no...nox ^{[place = overwritten] !}...she ...found herself in the dark...[0008]and if not exactly...insentient...insentient...for w ^{[place = overwritten] s}he still ^{[place = margin left] could} heard the buzzing...so-called!...in the ears...and a ray of light...such as the moon might shed...drifteing...in and out of cloud...but so lessened...sensation...sensation so lessened...she did not know...what position she s ^{[place = overwritten] w}as in...whether standing...ot ^{[place = overwritten] r} sitting...but the brain 6.. brain -...what?...lying?...whx ^{[place = overwritten] e}ther standing...or sitting...or lying...[0009]but the brain still...in a way ^{[place = supralinear] sense}...for her first thought was...after some time it is true...her first thought...brought up as she had been to believe (laugh)...in a merciful (laugh)...God (laugh)...[0010]first thought was...she was being punished...for her sins ^{[place = margin left] iniquities[stet]} ...a number of which then...further proof if proof were needed...flashed through her mind...[0011]then dismissed as foolisg ^{[place = overwritten] h}...this thought dismissed...as she gradually ralised realized...she was not suffering ^{[place = margin left] ...not suffering at all}...indeed could not remember...when she had suffered less...unless of course... course she was...meant to be suffering ^{[place = margin left] at all}...thought to be suffereing...just as so often...in the past...when clearly intended to be hab ^{[place = overwritten] v}ing pleasure...she was in fact...having none whatsoever ^{[place = margin left] not the slightest}...in which case of course...that notion of punishment...for some sin or other...or for no special reason...for its own sake...thing she understood perfecf ^{[place = overwritten] t}ly...that notion of punishment...which had first occurred to her...brought up as she had been to believe (laugh)...in a merciful (laugh)...

[0011] God (laugh)...first occurred to her...then dismisw ^{[place = overwritten] s}ed...as foolish...was perhaps not so foolish...after all...so o, ^{[place = overwritten] n}...all that...[0012]till another thouhgt... thought...some time later it is true...very childish really but -...what?...the buzzing?...yes...all the time the bzz buzzing...so-called ^{[place = inline] !}...in the earx ^{[place = overwritten] s}...though of course actually...not in the ears at all...in the skull...the heart of [0012] the skull!...and all the time...this beam or ray...as before...on and off...like from a moon...but perhaps ^{[place = supralinear] no doubt} not...perhaps ^{[place = supralinear] no doubt} all part of the iwh ^{[place = margin left] wish} to...torment...but not in the least ^{[place = margin left] ...not a twinge}...for the moment...ah...for the moment...